Mental Poo - Work Life in Corporate Korea

2011-12-21T14:12:00.003+09:00

OH HAY THUR!

I'm finished with my hiatus and have changed my blog, you can see it here at OHMUNA.WORDPRESS.COM

See you there.

I got my eyes done!

2011-11-04T09:24:00.001+09:00

No, i didn't get double eyelid surgery... I got my eyes layered!

Since several people have asked me about the LASEKexperience I have decided to paint a picture about my personal experience withthe procedure itself and the recovery.

In the world of laser eye surgery the two most popular andwidely used procedures are LASIK and LASEK. Lasik requires only one to two days of painless recovery time, often times patients are fine right after the procedure or the very next morning. Lasek requires about 7 days of painful recovery. The doctor will diagnose and test the patient's eyes before determining which procedure is best fit.

If I had the choice I would have chosen to have Lasik done but becausemy corneas were too thin, I was unqualified, thus I was stuck with gettingLASEK. Damn.

There are 6 steps to the Lasek procedure.

Step 1: DENIAL

I had been meaning to get my eyes lasered for years and as achild I looked forward to getting the procedure done. However, ever since Icould remember I have always has an irrational fear of sharp objects pointed inmy direction. If I have a straw in my beverage pointed in my direction, I’llturn to straw to point another direction. If there is a sharp object across theroom, I won’t dare to look at it straight on. My oldest sister has the sameproblem but to a heightened sensitivity. This disability alone had caused me towait until the last minute to do Lasek.

Four days before the procedure I saw my doctor and he testedmy eyes and inserted in a few drops of a liquid into my eyeballs which dilated my pupils to adegree that made me loathe light and caused me to be farsighted. My doctor (atKonkuk Univeristy Hospital), told me that if he were to do the procedure on me, I would be required to stay in Korea for at least a month for weekly checkups(other doctors don’t necessarily require this).

A day before the actual procedure I started to feel a heavysense of denial and convinced myself that contrary to myprevious beliefs, I didn't need Lasek.

More after the jump

The iPhone 4s and Remembering Steve Jobs

2011-10-15T10:22:00.000+09:00

Before I begin, I wanted to pay tribute to the genius behind the iPhone and all Apple products. Steve Jobs was and will always be an icon in the Silicon Valley, the tech space, music sphere and smart phone world. He is the man.

Rather than giving a full review on the iPhone4S I'll give a general overview of the iPhone and a few local tidbits. Enjoy!

The first Apple product I ever owned was the first generation iPod. It was really hot and heavy stuff circa 2004 and people would Ooh and aah at the sight of my iPod. Back then iTunes was far to complicated for me to comprehend and the battery life ended up being 10 minutes, but nevertheless it was a cool gadget. The two gadgets have similar crisp features, so even through all of the changes the iPhone stays true to its roots.

Last night I happened to pass by the Palo Alto Apple store and saw that it was covered in colorful post-it notes filled with thoughtful and funny words from admirers.

Love for Steve Jobs from around the world.

Not all of the notes were tasteful.

People lined up outside of the Palo Alto Apple store. There were about 30 people there at 10 PM.

One of the two local news stations covering the iPhone 4s opening.

I ordered my iPhone at midnight on October 7th through my carrier, Verizon. Without any problems I was able to complete my order in a matter of minutes. After patiently waiting for a week, my iPhone4s arrived exactly at noon.

Maybe I'm spoiled because I'm from the bay area and there are plenty of Apple stores around, but I didn't feel like it was necessary to stand in crazy lines in front of the Apple store to pick up a phone. If anything it'd be best to stand in line at your local carrier (AT&T, Verizon or Sprint) and wait there at midnight.

I pranced into a random Verizon store in Cupertino and got my phone activated in a few minutes. There were more employees in the particular store than customers and the store still had a few iPhones in stock even at 2 pm. I have read about other Apple stores that were bombarded by eager customers, but that wasn't the case for me. (Btw, if you scroll down to pictures of the Palo Alto store, I don't know where all of the post it notes went!! how sad!)

Ahh, finally.

Suri's response when I asked "Which phone is the best on the market"

And other suggestions.

Suri is a very forward-thinking invention. It is only a matter of time before we are all hooked on using voice activated commands. Suri is pretty much as it is advertised on the Apple website, and it's useful when it comes to functional settings like checking the weather, directions, text messaging, email... and so on.

The crop and edit functions are useful but would have been better if there were more editing functionalities available other than rotate, auto enhance, red eye and crop.

I played around with iCloud for a bit and it makes synching much easier and you can use your phone while syncing!

Overall, there are subtle changes between the iPhone4 and the 4s but I am loving it overall. I'll update more later once I become more acquainted with the 4S.

Mountains

2011-08-08T06:22:00.001+09:00

This picture was taken on my last day of work. After all of those days of staring out the window and dreaming of flying away to the mountains in the distance, I am finally free to fly away and it feels so good.

I climbed one of the mountains and this is the view from the top. I'm staring into the city - at the building where I used to work.

Liberating.

Panic Attack with Justin Bieber

2011-08-05T22:44:00.002+09:00

There is so much to say but I can’t seem to coherentlygather my thoughts together. Over the past few days I started to think abouthow I would put together my first blog post as an unemployed person on my“Corporate Korea” blog.

Last month during my last business trip to SF I had a panicattack, of all places, on the airplane, in the middle of the flight as otherssurrounding me were peacefully sleeping. Thankfully my sister was sitting nextto me, sleeping like a rock to my avail. I woke her up and vented my feelings.She quickly helped me with some therapy (she’s a counselor in the making) andpicked me up and got me laughing within minutes. Crying, laughing, crazinessgalore. This kind of behavior gives you rainbow colored pubes (so my mothersays.)

Overwhelmed with personal/work/future/moving out of the aptand korea/lack of sleep etc, etc, the stress piled on high enough to toppleover in several directions. It was time to either sink or swim and I sank. Itwas rather annoying because it came out of nowhere and at the time I had noidea why I was feeling so crazy. Even watching the Justin Bieber movie was toostressful for me to handle. I didn’t sleep a wink during the flight and rigidlyheld on to the armrests as my sanity felt like it was swirling out ofcontrol. Fuckign Justin Bieber. I loveyou.

I’m better now, though I am currently suffering from a veryseparate life altercation which I will elaborate on later.

I Quit My Job: The Shackles are Almost Free!

2011-07-18T10:47:00.001+09:00

Whenever somebody makes many large lifechanges they feel either relief or remorse. I know I made the right decisionbecause I only feel relief.

I got back on Saturday from a business tripto the US. To be exact, it was my very last business trip with this companybecause I quit my job.** Not to get into too much detail but quitting was a twomonth ordeal. Forget about giving a two week notice.

To debrief, I will answer the top three mostrepetitive questions:

1. What is your next plan?

A. I started working at thiscompany when I was 22, so fresh and young. I’m leaving now 25 but feeling as ifI aged 10 years – full of ulcer problems, white hairs and an anxiety problem.

I am going to move back to California in September and take 3-6 monthsoff to do as I please, take the GMAT and chill the fuck out. Unlike many peoplemy own age, I am looking forward to living at home with my parents, sister, dogand the Korean exchange student who lives next to my bedroom. I’m going tospend my time learning how to play golf, working on my fitness, reconnecting/makingnew friends and recalibrating myself to life in the US.

In today’s society, I am doing the opposite of social norms. I’mquitting my very stable job at the largest company in Korea (I think that givesaway the company I work for) even after my bosses coaxed me to stay and offeredme some incentives, I'm opting to take up unemployment in the US… a country that offersbleak job opportunities. I’m sure they all think that I’m making a big mistakebut I seem to believe otherwise.

So in short, I have nothing definite planned but I couldn’t behappier with that.

2. What about Ed?

A. Since day 1 Ed has been awareof the fact that I am not indefinitely going to live in Korea and that our timetogether had an expiration date.

He wants me to pursue my dreams. And I want to pursue my own dreamsas well. Unfortunately my dreams are not located in Korea. We’ll do longdistance and thanks to technology like FaceTime and smartphones, I don’timagine having a hard time stalking Ed. Realistically, I know that longdistance (esp transcontinental) relationships are not fun or easy but we’rewilling to give it a shot.

3. Are you going to miss Korea?

A. Living in Korea has changed mein countless ways. It’s made me grow up, toughen up and taught me about my ownculture. It’s silly to think that I wouldn’t miss Korea. Even the job thatcaused me stress and agony gave me invaluable training and if I had to do itall over again (though I’d prefer not to) I would.

I’ve traveled back and forth from the US over 20 times in the past 2.5years. Slowly but surely each time I went back and forth I realized that the USisn’t the best country in the world like so many Americans believe. Things area little bit slower in the US and even though I live in the technology capitalof the world (silicon valley), it still feels dated compared to Seoul. However,as messed up and broke the US is, it’s still home to me. I’m going to missKorea dearly but I plan on keeping a relationship with Korea so I won’t be astranger.

So there we have it. The shackles are almost free!

**Please don’t ask me for a job or toreplace my position. We will be using a headhunter for that and I do not submitreferrals anymore.

Independence day

2011-07-04T14:51:00.000+09:00

Another 4^th of July.

This marks my fourth consecutive 4^th of July I’ve spent in Korea. I miss those BBQ’s, fireworks, chili cookoffs and nights of heavy drinking. Next time...

End of Q2 Update

2011-07-01T11:34:00.002+09:00

Welcome to the beginning of Q3. Half of the year has come and gone and my fave month of this year has finally arrived. This month I’m off to the bay area for a business trip for a week and somewhere within the schedule I can fit in about 12 hours to hit up my parents house and play with my dog. Five days after I return to Seoul, I’m off to Malaysia/Thailand for 10 days. This concludes my month of July.

On top of traveling, I’m moving out of my apt next week and moving into my aunt’s snazzy pad while I’m in between places. I lived at the same expensive apt for over two years and initially only signed a 1 year lease. When my landlady asked me to sign a new contract, entailing that I’d live there for another year, I refused. She was really nice about it and then told me to get the hell outta thur so she could find a new tenant and raise the rent.

I’m actually nervous to live with my aunt because she and her husband are very nice but ultra conservative. Apparently coming home past 9pm is considered late to them. Did I just make a huge mistake?

4 Things on my mind:

1. Why does it feel like I’m the only person left out of the Google+ party? I logged into my sister’s google account (yeah, I know all of her passwords…) and attempted to send myself and invite, but apparently Google was overwhelmed and shut out the system to new users. After all I went through with google wave and early adopting all the other google products, the least google could do is send me an invite before the hype is up. Wow, I sound bitter.

2. I synch my iphone with my work PC and my personal mac. Every 10-14 days my pc magically stops syching to my phone and then I have to reinstall itunes and it drives me crazy. Through all of the dumb shit my phone puts me through, when I shuffle around and play with it, I can’t help but love it. I guess this is what having children is like. [edit: got an invite minutes after I posted, thanks!]

I just realized that the first two topics I spit out were about Google and Apple. What a tool.

3. Last night my dept went out for drinks at the Coex Intercontinental “Wonder hour” (6-9 pm all you can eat/drink event on mon-sat — Saturday is basically 100% sloppy foreigners, I would know because I was one of them once) and we had a really great time and after the event we departed our separate ways and went home at 10. Amazing. My dept has come a long, long way. From a company that loves drinking and applauds drunkenness, and a department that used to drink until third round, getting home by 10 is amazing. Two coworkers from another team joined us and tried to coax us to grab another drink elsewhere but my dept wouldn’t budge. We wanted to go the F home. Are we a bunch of soft lameos? Yeah, probably but we don’t care anymore.

4. I misplaced yet another umbrella and I’m pissed. That was my fave and last umbrella. Thank goodness it wasn’t pouring this morning or else I might have made a poncho out of a garbage bag.

5. I'm rather excited for this quarter. I like to believe that the rest of this year will pan out magically.

Goodbye Q2, HELLO Q3.

Learn to Type in Korean

2011-06-24T10:52:00.000+09:00

Download Link

Over the years I have learned to type in Korean but always have been dependent on looking down at the keys. This week I finally took the initiative to learn to type in Korean without looking at the keys through an oldschool program called Ttwinst. It’s probably not the best program out there, but it gets the point across and after working on it on and off over the past 3 days I’ve finally mastered the art of typing in Korean.

If you struggle with typing in Korean too, I recommend you to download the program (or a better program) and learn!

Cousins and Sisters in Seoul

2011-06-22T17:10:00.000+09:00

More after the jump!

Homeless for the Weekend

2011-06-10T13:50:00.001+09:00

When I was young my sisters and I used to play a lot of imagination-stretching games. One game we particularly liked to play was pretending to be homeless. My sisters and I would take a paper shopping bag and fill it up with things and wander the "streets". When indoors we would camp out under the dining room table, other times we would camp out in the foyer closet and pretend that we were in the slums. On other occasions we would play this game in the front yard. Sometimes my mom would lock us out of the house and we would REALLY feel homeless. Nonetheless, from a young age I had a fixation on homelessness. Maybe it was from all of the anti-teenage homelessness commercials that used to air in between daytime television shows.

Last weekend, over the 3 day weekend I decided to spontaneously play the homeless game with Ed. On a whim I declared that we were going to go camping… in Ed’s car!

Ed has a new SUV where the back seats can be converted into a space where you can lay down. I packed up everything in 10 minutes and asked Ed in excitement, “Aren’t you EXCITED?!!” and he replied, “Not really…” I packed a mini mattress for the car, a large towel and a small fleece blanket, marshmallows for the campfire (I don’t know why I thought we would find a campfire), and other bare necessities.

On our way we stopped by a restaurant and ate some seafood:

We drove off toward an island past Gimpo Airport and toward North Korea. The first night we arrived too late to take the ferry to the island so Ed and I parked in the ferry parking lot and camped out there. Romantic, I know. Luckily there was a stinky but useable bathroom available for us to wash up in – it was so homeless-esque!

We set up our pseudo bed for sleep. The stars were shining brightly and Ed had fallen asleep within minutes of laying down (typical…). I on the other hand, started feeling paranoid because random people would walk past the car to use the bathroom. I slept on alert mode. The way I imagine Frodo and Gandalf to sleep at night.

It was a cold night.

More after the jump!

FRIIIDAYYYY WE SO EXCITED

2011-06-03T17:55:00.000+09:00

An Ode to Pesto Priday

Ah, Friday. Glorious Friday.

Glorious 3 day weekend

How I cannot wait for thee to commence

Please, oh please Mr. Weather, please stay nice!

My stomach is eating itself. I'm hungry.

HONGARY I SAY.

Thinking about the pesto whole wheat pasta

That I will make tonight makes my tummy grumble

GRUMBLE I SAY!!!

Oh Glorious, glorious Friday.

Thank you for today.

And on the random:

1. I’m always amazed when I watch my coworker talk on her cell phone in a slight whisper. She’s only 5 feet away, but why cant I hear her? What a gift.

2. Showing up to work late is one of the deadliest sins for my department. Officially work starts at 9 am. Majority of the people show up at 8 30. My department shows up at about 8:15. Over the past two weeks I have been showing up at 8:28 and at times at 8:30 on the dot. Once I showed up at 8:33. Today my manager pulled me aside and told me to stop showing up to work late. Humph, talk about anal retentive. At least You don't have to work with the guy.

Just FYI

2011-06-02T10:41:00.000+09:00

I’ve decided that despite our monitored web surfing, and risking the discovery of my blog, I am going to keep blogging at work. Why freaking not? The past week or so has been very, very stressful for myself and I find blogging somewhat therapeutic. If you want to do something, you can make it happen. That's what Oprah taught me.

Over the past few days I had watched the last few episodes of the Oprah show and wow. That woman is amazing. If you have the time and you are looking for some inspiration, you should watch her last 10 episodes. If not 10 then at least her last 5 like I did. Oprah overdose. The best kind of overdose.

No space, no bars, no keys!

2011-06-02T10:28:00.000+09:00

Last night I was tossing and turning in bed while thinking about everything, nothing and everything in between. I thought about my blog, I really did. I’ve missed this. At precisely 2 am I got an email informing me that I had received a new formspring question, the question simply asked “why no update L” and my thoughts really started to wander.

This reminded me that my blog has in some way given me a cyber community who I mentally communicate with through code. A code called English. On a mystical portal we call the Internet. On a magical device often called a laptop. Which is often mistaken for a netbook (because it is so small). A netbook that is basically an iPad that folds in half. An iPad, the graduation gift my sister received (which she really needed) but wouldn't sell to me even though I offered her 600 bucks. 600 bucks, money that I receive by working. And work, that prevents me from blogging.

I Massage my fingers on these little square mountains and tap my thumbs on this long rectangle valley. Why are these mountains called keys? Do they open Pandora’s box? Why is this valley called a space bar? Why space? Essentially when you hit the space bar all you receive in exchange is a blank break between letters. Why not a blank bar? Why a bar? Can my thumb get a galactic vodka shot from this so called “bar”? Blank valley? The word “space” is not put to justice for space is a magical Neptune of the unknown, not some blank valley. Space. The untouched imagination that has yet to be abducted by the floating swans in outer blank.

As you read this... I am actually hypnotizing you. You are getting very sleepy. You will pull off your pants and put them over your head and go trick or treating around the block but only speak in your best Neanderthal tongue. And then you will wake up feeling completely rested and thereafter wonder why your neighborhood allies treat you like a caged gorilla.

Work Sports Day - 체육대회

2011-05-20T10:26:00.000+09:00

Last week my work had its first ever sports day (체육대회). At first I’ll admit that I wasn’t thrilled about it and actually was dreading the day in entirety. Earlier in the week we received our matching neon green and white track suits and I received a women’s size 100 which would have probably been a women’s size small in the US thus being butt tight and short for me. I ended up exchanging it for a men’s 100. The tracksuit alone was enough to unexcite me.

Friday finally rolled around and we loaded up on a bus and rode off to a stadium that the company rented out for the day. There were about 200 employees that made it out to the event and we were split up into 4 teams. My team consisted of a lot of older guys and I was convinced that we were no match for the other teams filled with young guys. There were only around 10 girls total so we were viewed as handicaps for every competition which I suppose is fair considering that all of us girls were not very athletically gifted.

I like to think in my head that I’m a superstar athlete that can pick up a thousand pounds and manhandle grown men with my pinkies, but in reality I’ve spent the past few years sitting on my mushy butt sitting in a cube. I am no athlete. Our team captain tried his best to evenly distribute everyone for each competition and it was fairly evident early on that although I have run a few 10k’s, I am one slow mother focker. Even old men with pot bellies could run faster than me.

We started off with some calisthenics and then transitioned over to competitions. The main competitions were as follows:

1. Ball tossing competition

2. Parachute rely: each team selected 6 runners (1 female, 5 male) each participant had to wear a parachute and run 25 meters and back.

3. Soccer matches

4. Kick-volleyball matches

5. Tug of war

6. 1000 Meter rely

7. … and a bunch of other small competitions.

The tug of war competition was by far the most challenging but fun game. The only video or picture that I personally took…

The activities went on throughout the whole day from 9-6pm and the weather was perfect. We rented a professional MC, game set up people, first aid people, two street food carts and all you can drink beer on tap. Considering all of the food and beer readily available, I don’t think we actually consumed very much of it.

Overall I’ll say that I was surprised by how much fun I had. I don’t know why I was being such a party pooper about it. The best part of all, my team won the competition!

PS I was super sore for 3 solid days afterward and I'm pretty sure everyone else was too!

Overdue Update: Jeju Island, OK2, Food and other Updates!

2011-05-12T05:00:00.001+09:00

It’s been two weeks since my last post and there are so many (mostly uninteresting) things I could blab about but it’s hard to choose what exactly I will elaborate on. After the long weekend (Thursday, Friday and Tuesday) I am feeling nicely refreshed. I no longer feel urges to punch people and I no longer chant voodoo magic in my head as I sit in my cube, or feel pangs of feral behavior as I quickly swallow down my lunch with my conversation-less coworkers. No, life isn't too shabby.

I spent Thursday – Sunday in Jeju for my birthday weekend. Which brings me to point 1. You really can teach an old dog tricks. Once upon a time Ed never gave me gifts. Last year for my birthday he failed to give me anything! This year he gave me a trip to Jeju and other thoughtful surprises. He's a doll.

On monday I went into the office but honestly it went by so quickly because I was so swamped with work that it was just a blur. Tuesday was glorious although it was all spent indoors due to the rain. Why can't we have more four day weekends followed by a four day work week? I'm certain that it would lead to happier employees.

Things I love about May...

It is not too hot, not too cold, not too humid.
You can sleep with the windows open and not wake up feeling nasty or cold
The holidays
It's the calm before the storm. And by storm I mean the swarm of tourists and visitors.

Some pictures since my last post (mostly food)

FYI the last picture is NSFW! :

I saw Lena Park at the Lush concert and I love her for various reasons, not just because she's on a popular TV show (나는가수다) but because I've always had a thing for her and she has a voice of an angel. Also, she's Korean American who basically learned Korean during her road down stardom (and she still has awkward moments when she speaks!) It's inspiration to me! One day I can be pretty much fluent if I keep at it.

April showers bring May flowers!

@the Flying Pan Blue in Shinsa

My post 10k brunch with a spoonful of hummus! mmm

A little snack and icy grapefruit juice (the berry juice is better btw) at Le Alaska.

Le Alaska is a wonderful cafe that bakes its bread with imported flour from France! You can watch them make their breads similar to SF's Boudins.

Much more after the jump!

Weddings Galore!

2011-04-29T09:52:00.003+09:00

I just got into London this morning! I was jetted out to London on Prince William's private jet to attend his wedding. He is an absolute sweetheart for sending me a personal invitation despite the fact that we had a pretty rough breakup a few years back. His handwriting has improved, but his poetry has remained stagnant. In the early 2000s I practically had to get a restraining order against him because his weeping cries from outside of my bedroom window were starting to affect my beauty sleep. I'm happy for him though. Kate is a doll, even though she still sends me threatening letters urging me to stay away from Will.

Will's other exes. Wow! They forgot to add me! I need to alert the press.

And back in reality...

This weekend will consist of 3 weddings, 1 concert and a 10k!
Remember that the royal wedding will be at 5pm, Korea time and festivities will begin at 4pm!
I really do like Prince William if you scroll up to the image of my desk, you'll see that I have his picture posted up in my cube!

On Saturday my Korean-American college friend will be marrying her native Korean sweetheart. Sometimes Ed and I go on double dates with them and we bond over the comfort in knowing that other couples have language and culture problems. Sunday, run the 10k in the morning and then attend my coworker's wedding -- even though he annoys the shit out of me, and always says "Good Morning!" regardless of what time of day it is because he claims that is the only English phrase he knows... I still want to be there and congratulate him.

I really need to start planning my outfits...

Wedding season really is here. Next week a childhood friend of mine is getting married in the states to her longtime boyfriend and I'm sad that I'll be missing it! Before the company change I was almost 100% sure that I could scheme my way into going to her wedding, but unfortunately I'm grounded here in Korea for a while.. When I think back to my childhood she is an influence and relic in my memory. We used to do really strange, perverted, creative things together. I'm sad to miss another wedding that I really want to attend.

Le sigh.

And on an unrelated note,

The Wonderful World of Online Dating

2011-04-26T05:00:00.004+09:00

Maybe I'm late to the party but it seems that okcupid has become quite popular with the generally bored or extremely lonely. To my knowledge I don't know of anyone who has successfully found a significant other through the website but I thought it'd be fun to make my own account. I actually got a sudden interest in the website from this hilarious blog whom my bff refereed me to. Unfortunately the blogger never followed through and stopped updating :( Nevertheless, it sparked my interest in OkCupid.

You can look me up on OkCupid my username is ilikefarting and my profile picture is of Hyori. Originally I uploaded a picture of a man but the image took forever to load so I just stole one off the web. I'm sure anyone who has a slight interest in Asian women will be able to recognize Hyori. I answered the questions vaguely so I seem to match up with pretty much anyone. From the quick fleeting minutes I spent on the site I can conclude that it definitely has a creepy vibe.

I'm no stranger to online dating websites. There was a short period of time when I was unemployed, single and gorging on too many hotpockets... I was hooked on watching too much daytime TV which also translates to watching too many Zoloft and match.com/eharmony commercials. After some successful brainwashing I made a profile on both sites and within days I had several "winks" and messages. Some of the messages seemed very sincere and it make me feel a bit sad.

As I browsed through my matches I saw somebody I knew. I felt a pang of sadness because
1. match.com said that we were compatible and
2. we used to have a crush on each other (I think...) at some point but were equally too passive to do anything about it.
3. Now he's rich and I'm po!

His headline said something along the lines of "It will take a miracle to find a match." After that I shut down my account(s). It was just so sad. It was even more sad that I was unemployed, had 10 pounds of bagel bites, dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets and hotpockets slopping around my belly and hooked on Judge Judy.

But maybe one day I'll be open to the idea of online dating. And by one day I mean when I'm 52, still single and have saggy breasts that roll past my vagina. My old vagina, so old that my labias turned into saggy balls that roll down to my toes. My toes so old that I forgot how to tend to them and have curling toenails. Curled toenails so curled that I decided to attempt to grow them out to surpass the current guiness world record for longest toenails. Toenails so long that on a cold, hungry day I decide to cut them off and eat them for dinner. Dinner, another lonely meal spent alone that I tend to skip so that the pangs of loneliness don't stab me again. The stab that I puncture into my voodoo doll which I curse all my baby's daddy's.

Vortex. Ensues.

Not one of my finest drawings, but I don't know how to make this imagery pretty.

-----

To be honest I know of people who have had successful courtships through the sexy world of the interwebs. Actually my sisters know of two fine ladies that had successful online flames. The best part, they are all normal folks AND they ended up MARRYING the people they met online. Can we all silently gasp in unison??

So I suppose it's all about which attitude-hat you put on when making an online dating account. Perhaps pretending to be Hyori from Beverly Hills, 90201 is not such great start. Then again, I don't need online dating because I have funny Ed.

TOO MUCH TV! TOO MUCH SEX (and the city)

2011-04-21T10:25:00.002+09:00

I need a weed whacker just to find his dick… Every time I blow you, I feel like I’m flossing.

SATC Samantha, Season 4 Ep. 7

I’ve been watching a lot of TV lately which has been great and entertaining but as a result I’ve turned into a slob. Tired of waiting around for HIMYM, Glee and Gossip Girl episodes to resume I have spent the past few weeks watching Californication, Shameless and now all 6 seasons of Sex and the City (for the second and possibly the third time…) I also have the first 3 seasons of the United States of Tara, but I’m too scared to begin watching it out of fear of obsession…

By far I love seasons 4 and 6 of SATC. There are certain episodes of SATC that I love, and some that I hate and if I had to choose, I hated season 2 ep 3 (the episode with the annoying circus music) and loved season 4 Episode 6 (It’s the episode with the fake plastic nipples, where Carrie tries to get back up on Aiden and he yells (rightfully so) “YOU BROKE MY HEART!” which leads Carrie to run away. Who runs away? Only Carrie can pull that off because she’s light on her feet and prances like a squirrel… and that one scene where the runner guy trys to get Miranda to lick his ass was hilarious.)

Every time I rewatch the show I’m a little older and can connect to the show in different ways. I was always team Big but now he seems lame and 느끼해 …what is the right translation…? Oily? Creeptastic?

And what was the dealio with Big marrying Natasha? What about how he acted like a 16 year old heartbroken girl in s4e10 (when he calls Carrie for girl advice and then wrestles with Aiden in the mud at the cabin) Is Big…. Retarded? Retardely lame?

I’m not team Aidan either because he’s boring and a fool that is addicted to Carrie. Be a fool once – okay. Twice – forgivable but three times (SATC 2)?? Aidan, you fool.

Who would you choose? The retard or the fool?

So what does that make Carrie?

Sidenotes:

In season 6 Aidan is magically married and has a baby. How could Carrie not know about this? Aiden and Steve own a bar together - Miranda/Carrie/Steve/Aiden are basically bound for life.

Before I watched SATC 2 (the movie) with Ed I verbally explained the TV show to him season-by-season and gave him multiple tests. After he successfully crammed all 6 seasons in his head, we watched the first movie together and he almost immediately fell asleep. But somehow he managed to regurgitate a few phrases from the movie like, "Have a fabulous day!"

Anyway, after the current season wraps up, I’m going to take a break from TV for a few months because I’m sick of TV!

SATC Trivia:

1. Where did Carrie first meet Big's mother?

2. Where did Samantha meet Smith Jerrod ?

3. What was Carrie and Miranda's first big fight about?

4. Which BBC TV show does Miranda always Tivo?

5. How many successful 3-somes are there on the show? Which ladies attempted a 3-some?

6. Why was Miranda drinking alone at the bar the night she met Steve?

7. Which character's sibling visits NYC (for one episode)? And who does the sibling sleep with?

8. What was Trey returning at the store right before he met Charlotte? And what was Charlotte running away from (which almost got her run over by the cab driving Trey)?

9. What did Richard give Samantha on the airplane on their way to Atlantic City? And what kind of ring did he buy her?

10. How did Berger break up with Carrie?

These questions are pretty hard, but if you can get all 10 then I am impressed.

Copy Machine Comic FAIL

2011-04-18T17:31:00.001+09:00

Shoot. I did something embarrassing.

So I’ve been trying my best to limit my web browsing for the next week or two. Today Around 4 pm as I was sitting on the toilet taking my mid afternoon dump when I started to think of a series of bathroom comics that I could start, which is perfect because I hand draw my comics (TAKE THAT WEB BROWSING TRACKER!) and because I haven’t drawn a comic for a while.

I decided that in order to save the most time I would draw a template of the bathroom stalls and make photo copies of it. I quickly sketched out a drawing and went over to the copy room. As I made one copy a coworker came in for a drink and I acted as if everything was normal. Another coworker came in and we exchanged a few pleasant words and I left the copy room in a hurry out of paranoia.

A few moments after returning back to my desk a new coworker --- not just any coworker, but one of our chief officers --- whom I have never had a decent conversation with, came over to my desk and handed me two pieces of paper. One, the original drawing that I left in the copy machine, and another, a copy of the picture that I left in the tray. Fuck.

Fuck.

Now not only does he think that I suck at making copies (and drawing), but he probably thinks that I goof off at work and do things like draw comics and blog… which I do. BUT NOT ALL THE TIME. You have to strike when inspiration hits.

Perhaps I’m overreacting because he probably didn’t think too much of it, and has much more important things to ponder in his head.

Here's the darned picture.

There's more in store for later...

Tracking Devices at Work

2011-04-15T15:28:00.001+09:00

I'm going to let you in on a not-so-secret secret. I now work for a larger company. Working for a new company means working under new rules. The company is implementing a system that will track everything I do online which ruins the whole blog-during-work concept and any other fun browsing I do. For the first few weeks I'll lock down and limit my facebooking, personal browsing and blog hopping until I figure out the system. Be tee dubs, this does not mean that I'll stop updating. It just means that my updates will likely not happen during work hours WAH!

We are all minions of this technology world.

Minus the Bushmen.

Seoul Motor Show 2011

2011-04-12T13:24:00.000+09:00

The 10 day Seoul Motor Show (actually, it was in Ilsan, but close enough) just wrapped up and closed its doors on Sunday.

My focus should have been on the cars but because I'm not much of a car buff and I'm more interested in booth designs (I'm currently putting together a booth for an exhibit) I was probably most impressed with the size of the budgets each booth invested into this show. Putting in the costs of renting a huge booth, renting dozens of girls per booth, design etc for 10 days is mind blowing... but that's not the point of this entry.

I heard through a few sources that the show wasn't that great so I entered KINTEX with low expectations but I actually had a great time.

Perhaps I should issue a warning, I'm not a car buff so bare with me!

I liked how the show had a ton of female models and a ton of male models!

You fancy, huh?

Kia concept car.

I actually had the most fun at the Kia exhibit. Their concept cars were so cute! I liked this car because i'm a fan of large windows I just want to roast it and eat it up like a marshmallow!

Wood floors. It looked like a kitchen!

Look at the model girl posing. I started feeling bad for the models after realizing that a lot of weirdos and creepers like to get up on them and take millions of pictures of them and with them. I saw one guy posing with a guy and his hand was patting her but like a bouncy ball. But who knows, maybe these girls like the attention, or maybe it's good money.

When I was standing in a crowd an incredibly dorky guy asked me for my number. I was shocked by his forwardness. So was Ed.

The back view of the car.

Huge Kia Morning.

Some BMW car. I stared at the model for a good 2 minutes. She looked so badass!

Pretty BMW. I'm sure it's fast.

A flying car! It literally flew around on a small motor.

I forget which brand this was, but I want this to be my future minivan!

Batmobile!

An original Mercedes Benz car.

When I saw this I instantly thought about my dad because he loves toys and little models and my dad had an eye out for this particular car. I remember sitting in the Mercedes dealership as my dad was negotiating to buy a car. The sales guy had a miniature model of this car on his desk and my dad asked for it but the sales guy declined saying that the miniature model costs 300 dollars and that my dad could buy one online. My dad was not amused and right before signing the papers he asked for the model one more time but was denied again.

A few months later my dad's friend was going to purchase a Mercedes so my dad took his friend straight to the same sales guy. My dad told the sales guy that he could have the sale if in exchange he would give the model to my dad.

The miniature model now sits in the living room and it's actually pretty cool.

Thanks ladies! I had a good time!

(Seriously though, that's like 20 girls for one booth!)

There were several other car brands that I didn't take pictures of. Some of these cars were going to ship out right after the show for the Shanghai Motor Show. I heard that Porsche's main car shipped out after exhibiting just for one day. Overall I had a good time and really enjoyed getting a bunch of high budget free swag!

Oh snap, I didn't tell you that I was in paradise this week

2011-04-08T18:10:00.000+09:00

Already Friday and I'm leaving work pretty much ON TIME! Although uneventful, the week seemed to go by fast. Maybe because I was vacationing in paradise...

Look at how ghetto my desk looks! At least I have a snazzy laptop.

Femme Fatale: Long Live Britney Spears

2011-04-06T13:23:00.002+09:00

Just a disclaimer, this is not an album review because I would give a totally biased opinion – and well, if I think Britney’s music is God’s gift to earth, I’m not sure if you should even trust my taste in music!

Since the release of Britney Spears’ new album titled Femme Fatale, I’ve been shamelessly listening to it day and night. If you’ve attempted to listen to her album or at least her latest singles, you have to admit that they’re catchy and pretty good for a mainstream popstar.

Ever since that sweet day in middle school when I discovered Britney spears I’ve been hooked. My math tutor at the time asked me if I were a lesbian because I was so into Bspears. What an asshole, I was at such a young and fragile age why would he ask such a question? “NO, IM NOT A LESBIAN BUT I LOVE TO WATCH THE ‘SOMETIMES’ VIDEO ON REPEAT, IS THAT A PROBLEM??” Is what I should have said to him at the time. 13 years later I’m still watching her videos on repeat. Some things never change AND IS THAT A PROBLEM? Yikes, where is all of this angsty energy coming from?

To start off, I have been an avid fan of hers since her debut. Unlike her bandwagon fans, I have stuck by her side through thick and thin and I will always be by her side. I can be her rock. I am her best friend. She just doesn't know me yet.

When I received tickets to her Onyx tour I literally fell to my knees and cried out of pure joy. When her concert was canceled due to her knee injury I was devastated I didn't cry, but I should have. Later in college she had a secret tour under the group name "M&M's" and I ditched three days of school to take a 2 hour train ride to San Diego just so I could see her glory at the House of Blues for a glorious 11 minutes. The tickets were $50 and I heard that others who bought tickets from scalpers paid up to $500. I was so close to her I could see her make up on her face. It was definitely a highlight of my year. My college dorm and apartment was adorned with a life size poster of B and she was always close in my thoughts. If B ever comes to Korea I will buy front row tickets and scream for her attention. But enough about me. This is all about B.

Her first video for “Hold It Against Me” was satisfying enough but I saw a 30 second snippet for “Til the World Ends” and it looks HOT. Literally. There’s fire, buildings falling down and sweaty dancers shaking their goodies. But in all seriousness, she looked smokin.. and by smokin I mean gorgeous like the goddess that she is! The editors did a great job cutting up clips to make it look like B was actually dancing with attitude. WOW. Did I just say that? I didn’t mean to diss my girl B, but it aint no secret that girlfriend doesn’t feel comfortable dancing anymore. I’ve investigated into why Britney can’t seem to dance anymore and based on the several forums I went through it’s due to a lack of self confidence/esteem, and a bit of stage fright anxiety. Putting into consideration that her life has been on blast since 19 fucking 98 you gotta cut the girl a little bit of slack. She’ll be back as the dancing queen soon enough, you just have to wait for the wounds to heal instead of ripping off the scabs too early.

[Edit - The full video] Also, I read that there will be TWO music videos for this song!

To illustrate how frustrating her life must be I’ve drawn the following diagram:

*Disclaimer: These diagrams are obviously not based on any scientific data.

Much more after the jump!

When You've Been In Korea Too Long...

2011-04-05T18:09:00.000+09:00

You know you've been in Korea too long when...

Thanks Kyu for being a good sport and letting me repost this

PS Check out Kyu's new organization HERE

Harry Shum Jr. and I

2011-03-31T16:12:00.002+09:00

On the top corner of the image you can see a faint outline of Harry and I making out, haha.

This morning I had a vivid and wild dream. Now that a few hours have passed I can only remember a few bits and pieces of it but for certain I know that Harry Shum Jr (the Asian guy from Glee) took the leading role in my dream. The dream wasn’t sexy or particularly fantastic but it made me realize that shumthing has been on my mind.

The dream started off with one simple tweet. I wrote, “Don’t tell me anything” (why I would tweet that, I don’t know!) and out of all people HSJ replied by saying “And what if I did tell you something?”

Fast forward a little and he and I are hanging out in person.

I would imagine that in my dream I would somehow become his lover and we would start off slow by accidentally grazing each other’s hand which would obviously lead to a passionate make out sesh in the rain, in the middle of a busy street... but my dream was actually very platonic and PG.

Let’s be honest, I have a crush on HSJ. Something about the way he dances and his cute face and that he seems like a polite and nice guy. When I watch Glee I’m usually mainly watching him #nocreepy. Somebody needs to write a manual about how fans can meet (and mate) with their celebrity crushes but not come off as a fluffy fangirl or desperate dinosaur. Has my imagination gone too far?

My ode to Harry Shum Jr.

By Mentalpoo

It may come off strange that I think about you so

You may find it flattering or think of it like, “whoa”

I need to figure out a way so we can organically meet

I would be so happy that I’d most likely weep.

Stalking you would only lead to a restraining order

And maybe you’d get scared and flee to the border

If we ever get the chance to go on a blind date,

When you find out it’s me, please don’t yell out “Rape!”

We are actually best friends but you don’t know me yet

Maybe one day we’ll meet on the Glee set

I want to t-rex dance with you

and hold you in my arms until you coo

Harry oh Harry when will that day come?

The day when you will make me your jihae shum.

#nocreepy

3 Uneventful Parts

2011-03-29T10:47:00.000+09:00

Part 1

Last night Ed and I went out for a course dinner at a delicious fusion restaurant and as usual, right after we finished eating I was hit by a diarrhea attack. Before we got into a cab Ed made me visit another bathroom in a café so that we wouldn’t have to go through another diarrhea fiasco like last time… and last last time.

Part 2

Still feeling uneasy in the stomach, I’m feeling uncomfortable today. Not because I’m wearing a suit with a butt-tight skirt, but because under my dress skirt I am wearing the world’s tightest stockings. I found a run in my fave pair of stockings this morning and resorted to another pair and rushed out of my apt at 7AM. As I was leaving my apt building I already began to regret wearing these tights.

Four hours later my organs are crushed and starting to shut down. I don’t understand how most people can comfortably wear tights. I’m cramping with a stomachache and the top half of my organs are bloating up with gas. If I wasn’t rocking bear-legs I would just throw these damn tights in the trash.

Part 3

Speaking of trash, because there aren’t many trashcans on the streets here in Korea I tend to accumulate a lot of trash in my pockets. Today I’m wearing a trench coat that has several pockets and haven’t emptied out for a few weeks. It’s like going through a mini time capsule...

A flier for a new sashimi place near by the office

A flattened cup I used a while ago to drink water

A fortune I saved from a fortune cookie. There was no fortune on it.

Directions to a office building I went to this morning

A stack of 11 of my own business cards

A few random receipts

Two rubber bands

200 won

And a ticket stub to the Jongmyo Royal Shrine

Gosh I need to fart.

Sleeping With Leprechauns

2011-03-24T14:12:00.000+09:00

These past few weeks have been either extremely busy or extremely boring. The days seem to go by slower because I’m always tired. I’ve been experiencing problems falling asleep at night. Last night I got in bed at noon of the night but couldn’t actually fall asleep until 2 and I kept burping that fruity baijou taste and thinking about every insignificant aspect of life.

Side note: I ate at this fancy multi-course Chinese restaurant but I didn’t think the food was great. Another side note: I was not in the best of moods and yelled at the taxi driver who drove me to work and I’ve been feeling bad about it all day. In my defense, he wasn’t very nice to me from the beginning.

I’m not a morning person but I tend to wake up really early and usually go back to sleep and then wake up later and hit snooze 10 times. My internal clock is very paranoid and I tend to wake up minutes before my alarm goes off or hours before my alarm and bolt out of bed in fear of being late. Even on the weekends I’ll wake up around 6am thinking that it’s a weekday. Why am I talking about this? This is not interesting… back to the point.

The other morning I had a really hard time getting out of bed because I was in the middle of a deep slumber and a really intense dream. I dreamt that I was in a magical land and I had just developed new magical powers. Unable to fully use my powers I was captured by someone… I forget who… and was locked up in a really cute hobbit-like house. Despite being locked in captivity the dream was very pleasant.

Then these red headed people came and saved me, I later found out that they were magical leprechauns. But they looked like regular humans, not short and lucky-charms’esque. They nonchalantly walked over to the living room where the capturers were watching TV and cast a quick spell on them and we walked out. It was pretty anticlimactic but perhaps my imagination’s creativity began to wane as I kept hitting the snooze button.

I got out of bed in a cheery mood, but I was still tired.

Electric Flash Diarrhea

2011-03-22T04:00:00.002+09:00

Last Saturday a few ladies, Ed and I ate at a Vietnamese restaurant. We chowed down on some delicious bahn mi sandwiches, which btw I have missed dearly and am so happy to have been introduced to a place that serves them. The sandwich was delicious and I piled each bite with a piece of jalapeno and chewed the sandwich slowly, savoring it as if it were my last meal.

After I finished the sandwich I had room in my stomach for one, maybe two... but suppressed my gluttony and ended my love affair there.

Unfortunately, I can't help but constantly think about that sandwich... I must go back soon.

Very soon.

Thereafter we hopped on over to another restaurant and shared some blue cheese mussels with a side of french fries and topped it off with macaroons.... and I dare wonder why I've gained weight recently.. heh heh.

Feeling plump and full the four of us stumbled over to a local foreigner bookstore to seek textual entertainment. In the midst of discussing books I suddenly experienced a flash of diarrhea and calmly but quickly rushed over to the bathroom in a fast but quiet butt-clenching stride. I locked the door and let a fast one pile up. Hell had relocated to my ass because my bung hole was ON FIRE! FIYAH!!!! Stupid jalepenos, why did I have to so many?

My ass had third degree burns. Usually this sensation is refreshing but NOT TODAY!

At the time I didn't tell the group about my bowel movements - I save those details for the blog.

Much more after the jump!

Boji=vagina

2011-03-21T15:32:00.000+09:00

One of my sisters or I need to marry a man with the last name "Bo" or "Bow." This way my name can be...

BoJihae... 보지혜

Heh...heh... I'm really mature.

Chronicles of a Creepy Taxi Driver: Do you have a Bob in your life?

2011-03-18T11:37:00.001+09:00

Most mornings I take a 5 minute cab ride to work and every so often I’ll hop into a cab where I'll recognize the driver or he will recognize me. Sometimes I'll remember the driver based on his funny seat covers or the plastic bottle he cut in half and uses as a pen holder, or the big mole he has on his right hand... Most of the time we won’t exchange words or the man will say something short and jolly like “I remember you!” and we'll exchange a nice hello and smile at each other through the rear view mirror.

On occasion I’ll encounter him. Creepy taxi guy. Let’s call him ~~Sideshow~~ Bob. There is nothing memorable about his taxi, it blends in with others. The interior of his cab is generic and Bob's side profile looks like an average Korean guy without any distinctive features. Every time I hop into his taxi he will say in English, in his creepy taxi man tone, “It’s been a long time…” and instantly I’ll get that sagging feeling in my chest and internally I’ll scream obscenities, “FUUUUUCKKKK!!” Thereafter I mentally prepare myself for a creepy 5 minute conversation that will feel more like 5 hours and walk out of his cab with a dirty feeling like I'm doing the walk of shame after sleeping with a creepy 60 year old fat guy with two dicks and pubes that end at his knees. His creepiness will linger in my mind for a few minutes and then I'll carry on with my day.

The first few times I met Bob, it was really great and we would have wonderful conversations about Korea, how much I pay for rent, what I do for fun, what I do for a living, when I will move back to the US, blah blah and blah. After the third or fourth time meeting Bob the conversations started leaning toward, “Why do you still live at your apartment, it’s so expensive, when are you moving out? What company do you work for? How do you say this in English? What do Americans do this? What time do you get off work? How do you do your laundry? What kind of food do you cook?” and other personal matters. One day he calculated my yearly rent and deposit money and asked me about my salary. Flustered and annoyed I told him it was a secret, however if our conversation were in English I would have told him to mind his own damn business.

Around a month ago I unknowingly hopped into Bob’s car and he asked me what I did over the weekend, then told me that his younger relative lives near me and that he would like to introduce me to him, and then he asked if I had a boyfriend. I stopped responding, I was not having it and not interested in the conversation.

Yesterday I had to be at work by 7 and was running late so I hopped into a cab. “Long time no see” Bob said in his creeptastic tone. Why? WHY does he always have to make his rounds in my area during all hours of the morning??

He started talking about my rent (again) and how I should move out (again) and I gave minimal responses. He was driving slower than usual, probably because he was busy having a monologue that I wasn't listening to. Because I was already running late and feeling extra annoyed, I interrupted him mid conversation to instruct him to speed up to the corner. I hopped out half a block early and as he drove away I memorized his license plate so that I can avoid him. Forever.

I remixed the walk of shame with a prance and galloped into the office.

So long Bob.

Today's Jumble: Weight gain, Foreigner Supermarket, Controversial Youtube and the Japan Earthquake

2011-03-16T14:10:00.001+09:00

I'm in trouble. Last night I tried on my suits and they all felt a bit snug. Actually, Very snug. Tomorrow I have to wear a suit for work and I haven't had to do so for about two months and now I'm feeling nervous. My high waisted work skirts, the ones that make me look like a naughty school teacher, are organ-crushingly tight so now I'm feeling screwed.

Even Ed has complained about how his jeans feel tighter. Sigh, have we reached that point of the "Too comfortable phase"? In order to save us from letting too loose we are going to run a 10k next month but just the thought of it makes me nervous because I haven't done a 10k in ages and I can't seem to run for more than 10 minutes on the treadmill without becoming either exhausted or bored. Because it's still cold, I can't seem to drag myself to the river often enough (people only run at the river or parks, running around on the streets is not a norm here.) I have 2.5 weeks left to train, hopefully I won't be lame and walk most of the 10k. I can do it!

----------

Last night I went to Haddon Supermarket over in Yaksu and bought some chickpeas so that I can make my own hummus and falafels. I was meeting my friend at the market but I got there 25 minutes before her so I slowly wandered around the store. There were literally 4 people in the store at the time and 3 of them were the store employees - apparently it's packed on weekends but eerily deserted on weekdays. As I was browsing I felt like I was being watched like a hawk, and I was right.

Whenever I would touch something the Korean owner was two steps behind me and would touch the exact same item. I gave him a stare and went on with my business. As I was eyeing the Cheetos the store owner came up to me and asked in Korean and in a not-so-friendly way if I were a spy doing price comparisons. Confused, I said no and he walked away. I suddenly didn't know how to naturally browse around in an unsuspecting manner. Later when I was over in the cake mix aisle the man asked me the exact same question and in response I told him that I was waiting for my friend which was why I seemed to be lurking.

My friend joined me in the store and we bought a few overpriced items, which by now is totally normal for imported goods, and went over to Petra for dinner. My friend and I ended up striking up a conversation with the owner of the restaurant on how to make hummus and falafel and he gave me a lot of helpful tips. I showed him the 12,000 won bag of dried chickpeas I bought and he gasped and called me foolish because I could easily buy the same amount of chickpeas for 4,000 at another store. I think I'll just buy hummus from Petra from now on - making my own is just too much work.

So I'm not saying that Haddon Supermarket is completely overpriced, it's inevitable for foreigner markets, and there were items there that I thought were decently priced. However, the workers at the market sure are paranoid and suspicious, which in turn makes me feel the same way.

-----

By now millions of people already know about Alexandra Wallace, and you can keep up with new updates on www.asiansinthelibrary.com. It seems like her 3 minute video not only went viral in one day but made headlines in the LA Times, NY Times, China Post and CNN - That girl must be hating her life right now and I hope she doesn't do anything harmful to herself but instead takes this as a lesson on life and the internet.

In terms of her video, I know what she's talking about in reference to studying at the Powell library at UCLA (where she was likely studying.) Yes it can be noisy in the main study area at times because it is the most popular library, but there are so many other libraries and other places to study. Despite UCLA being over 40% Asian, one could avoid these "hoards of noisy Asian people" by perhaps studying in the privacy of one's own room - esp during finals. If anything she learned a very valuable lesson. She should probably change her name and finish her college career elsewhere. That's my two cents.

------

And last but not least, it's really upsetting when I read and hear about negative opinions on the Japanese earthquake, tsunami, volcano eruption and nuclear outbreak. People saying that Japan deserved it, or that it's related to religion should probably reevaluate their views and keep these thoughts to themselves and not turn into their own version of Alexandra Wallace. Japan is always in my thoughts and prayers and it's heartbreaking to read/watch the news covering the devastation.

Hrm, I think I've said enough for today. If you've read this far into the entry then I thank you!

Why I Am Fixated On Poo - A Memoir

2011-03-10T03:54:00.004+09:00

At times readers will ask me, "Why poo?" and I give them some floppy answer and try to brush it off. I mean, what else is there to blarg about?

Not too long ago my sister sent me a the following email:

I'm going over Freud again in class... you were fixated on the Anal stages of life. Because you had a hard time with potty training, that triggered something in your mind to LOOOVE poo stories.

Freud and my sister may be on to something here. It is true, I did have a really hard time with potty training and I have clear memories of my mom changing my diapers. Normal people don’t remember getting their diapers changed because normal kids are potty trained between 12-24 months, with the average being 18 months or so and clear memories aren't usually formed until after the age of 2 or 3.

But then again in my defense I have a good memory to a point where it’s put me in situations where I look like a big creep. --- Nevertheless, I clearly remember having a hard time with potty training. But this is diverging away from the point. I remember getting my diaper changed. I remember my mom trying to potty train me and I also remember my mom giving me a pocket calendar book as a gift for pooping on my own for the first time.

Thereafter I went through a series of phases that freaked me out:

1. The Toilet Monster: I went through a phase where I was scared of “The Toilet Monster” which was something that I made up completely on my own. When on the toilet, you are in a very vulnerable situation and understandably it can be a scary place.... right? Just imagine your toilet with shark teeth, and holding weapons and suddenly it won't seem like such a safe place.

Another version of the Toilet Monster. This will definitely give me nightmares!

Glad to know that I wasn't the only one with this fear! Thanks to @Islaborg for the reference.

More After the Jump!

How I Cured My Boredom

2011-03-09T05:03:00.002+09:00

The Boredom Vortex

Dramatic

Boredom is a subtle disease that overtakes your mind and finds little nooks just big enough to creep its way to your soul. Every passing hour the brain is dipped in a bucket of melted candle wax and it only takes a minute for it to desiccate into another crusted layer.

Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, months turn into years and the layers only become thicker and thicker, so thick that reverberating the soul is sitting next to impossible. Somewhere deep inside, if you drill down deep enough you can find it. The suffocating soul. It never stopped trying to carve its way out but it needs some help bursting through the layers before it finally gives up.

Realistic

In between projects, and due to some immediate holds, I’ve had some free time at work. I’ve actually been instructed to not make any major decisions or changes, so I’ve been sitting pretty at the office doing my own thing. At first it was great because I would surf the web, catch up on TV shows and watch a bunch of KevJumba youtube videos.

Then all of the rainbows and glory began to diminish and suddenly things became desolate. The TV shows that I watch are on hiatus until April, I’ve watched the movies that interest me and I’ve surfed the web twice already. I’ve spent time studying at work, playing an immense amount of words with friends and tried several productive activities that are permissible at work, but nada. I think it comes down to feeling uninspired. Boredom has casted layers on me and I need to find my way out.

Inspiration

[Edit] I took this part out! I'll repost my inspiration later... maybe... one day!

inBetween Sandwich Bar - 인비트윈

2011-03-04T04:00:00.000+09:00

I confess, I am making a plug for this sandwich place for the selfish reason that I do not want it to close down because I love eating here. Unfortuanately, InBetween is a small store that is often overlooked and almost always empty. It has been open for about 9 months and I fear that it may close down anytime soon. I roll through to this place when I'm looking for a snack or a light dinner and I'm never disappointed.

InBetween/인비트윈 sells:
Sandwiches (ham&cheese, sweet pumpkin&cheese, sesame teriyaki chicken, seafood cutlet and beef bulgogi)
Rice Sandwiches AKA "Bobsand" (bibimbap, spicy pork bulgogi, beef bulgogi),
Salad
Coffee&Juice

This is the Korean version of a Crunch Wrap Supreme. An all inclusive meal in the palm of your hand.

I personally recommend the bibimbap bobsand which comes with beef, some hot sauce, egg, lettuce and of course a rice patty wrapped in some seaweed. A picture of the bobsand glory a few bites in. For 3,500 won it comes with a cup of warm miso soup.

The spicy pork or beef bulgogi bobsand is pretty much the same deal, just with more meat and maybe spicier sauce sans egg.

I'll admit that after eating here several times I have never tried the actual sandwiches but i'm sure they're just as good. They also have happy hour deals or new sandwich deals as well. This place is well priced especially for the area that it's in.

On the inside of the store they have stool seating, free wifi and magazines for your pleasure. Outside they have two tables with chairs and blankets available for snuggling.

As you can see inBetween features a rather simple menu and everything is priced resonably. Even the coffee is cheaper than the Dunkin Donuts around the block!

So you can order a bobsand+expresso for 5,500 or order their sandwich + coffee special for 4,800 won. Sometimes I pay that price for a coffee alone. This place screams "EAT HERE!!"

To show my dedication to this restaurant, I have hand-drawn a masterpiece of a map for you. It's super easy to access and if you're in the area anyway you might as well drop by.

Last but not least, they give out FREE DESSERTS!!! Usually mini muffins. The other day when I was there they told me to eat the last 5 muffins for myself and I gobbled them up like a hungry donkey. I like to think that they offered them to me because they know that by now I'm a regular.

Also on the map you may notice that right in front of the sandwich bar is a street food cart which I was recently told is famous for the SPICIEST dukbokki in Seoul. I believe it because I once unknowingly bought dukbokki from the cart and couldn't finish it because it was too spicy. The cart is always packed and is always around on weekdays during late afternoon until around 10/11 PM.

InBetween is open from Monday through Friday from 8AM-8PM, and open until 5PM on Saturdays. You can thank me later. Did I just over-hype? NO.

March 1st in Korea & Some History Lessons & the Gwangjang Market

2011-03-02T16:48:00.001+09:00

Yesterday was a really wonderful day off of work thanks to the March 1st holiday, also known as 삼일/Sami-il (meaning "3-1") I didn't quite know what the significance of the day was until Ed schooled me on some Korean history.

We decided to start our day with some friends at the Gwangjang Market which is a large indoor market that sells pretty much everything and also has some super delicious food.

I got the idea from Hermit Hideaways and one day will hit up the other 4 famous food streets in Seoul.

The market can be accessed through Jongno 5-ga station exit 7 or 8 (exit 8 is closer to the food) just walk straight out of the exit and it will be on your right side you cannot possibly miss it.

At first I was a bit overwhelmed and overjoyed upon entering the market and took a stroll around. They seemed to have three aisles stemming from the middle of the food area.

1. seafood/and a do it yourself bimbap area

2. Huge sundae/jook/pork

3. bindaeduk, jun

And in the middle is the famous "Drug kimbap"

More after the jump!

Whining Wino

2011-02-28T13:12:00.000+09:00

Last week I slept pretty late every night and I confess that it wasn’t because I was working or out socializing or even doing anything productive, but I was just unable to sleep at a timely hour due to some slight insomnia. So sleeping between 2-4 am all week turned me into a pretty sleepy child when the weekend rolled around.

On Saturday I had to wake up early for an obligation and then from 6-10 pm I went to an all you can eat/drink wine event and ended up drinking more than expected (but I think I built up my wine tolerance!) After hours of drinking and eating cheese and chips I was quite sloshed by 10. Despite friends badgering me and calling me out for not going to the second round of drinking, I knew I was not going to make it far. With my glazed stare I looked peer pressure in the eye and bid adieu, for I was done. Game over.

Ed took me home. As we are riding a taxi to my apartment I lean my head out of the taxi window with my mouth wide open like a dog.

I proceed to think about two things:

1. A fly flying into my mouth

2. A car coming too close to the taxi and slicing off my head.

After those two thoughts I slowly bring my head back inside of the car. The taxi driver is eyeing me, “If you’re going to throw up just let me know in advance” he mummers.

I get home and walk straight into the bathroom and puke a sea of misty purple. It was a pleasant slimy puke with a strong consistency. My face was just close enough to the bowl that my own puke could bounce into the toilet and then onto my face. Don’t act like that’s never happened to you. I brush my teeth and wash my face and plop into bed. It is only 10:30.

At 4 am I wake up, take out my contacts, wash my face again and chugged water. I decide it would be best to go back to sleep for a little bit, maybe wake up at 7AM and get an early start on my Sunday. I wake up 8 hours later at noon thirty.

As a result, after 14 hours of sleep I found myself tossing and turning in bed last night and falling in and out of sleep over the course of the night. I really need to realign my sleep schedule. I also need to build my wine tolerance because I’ll be going back to the all you can drink wine event soon!

Best wine convo:

Guy 1: Man, I’ve been such a wino lately

Guy 2: DUDE! I’ve BEEN a wino! I whine all the time to Jihae!

*silence*

Inflated Prices on Imported Goods

2011-02-25T16:41:00.000+09:00

The other day Aaron (my office building mate) and I went shopping for about 90 minutes in the Hyundai Mall at Coex during the middle of the afternoon. The main objective was to find the perfect gift for his girlfriend's birthday. As the commitment phobic guy that he is, he wanted to find the perfect gift that screamed "I like you, kind of but dont start thinking marriage and babies yet." So this limited us to perfume, or diamond-less jewelry.

We walked around and did price comparisons and were blown away by the inflation of prices for EVERYTHING in the entire department store.

Today Aaron told me about his plan on how he will gift his future mistresses...

He ended up buying her perfume.

Cute Poo

2011-02-25T06:00:00.010+09:00

A little bit of morning poo to get your day going on the right foot!

Have you ever seen poo in a cuter form? I can't completely understand all of the lyrics but it's more important to focus on the cute imagery anyway. This video is like the happiest slap in the face. Does that make sense? Ok, good.

Have a good Friday!

So there are good people left in this world...

2011-02-22T06:00:00.001+09:00

I have a coworker who adopts stray cats and dogs and raises them in her small apartment. Currently I believe she has 3 cats and 2 dogs, and she takes care of them and smothers them with some TLC until she can find them a safe new home. She is definitely a good person. She even blogs about her pets, and gets over 2000 hits per day purely on pictures and videos of her dogs and cats. I would link to her blog, but she’s very secretive about sharing these things.

Last week I worked out of the R&D center and passed by her desk to give my hellos, and couldn’t help but notice the bags of cat goods next to her desk. It turns out that she is now supplying kitty litter and food to the homeless cats that live around the office building.

3 bags of kitty litter and one huge bag of cat food.

Canned tuna & crab, and other treats

I’ve known her since my first day at work and back when I was new and didn’t have any friends in Korea, she took me out and helped me acquaint myself with Korea, and have been grateful ever since. People like her remind me that this world ain't so bad.

Just to end on a cute note... Viral Pikachu cat!!

Alien Pornography

2011-02-21T10:30:00.000+09:00

When I was in high school I thought of this sexy super villain novel concept that I have always been meaning to adapt into an actual series, the only problem is that every time I explain it to friends, they unanimously agree that rather than a superhero novella, I described a porno book. The kind of sexy novel that 12 year old nerds buy at supermarkets for $5.99 and use it as a bathroom book to thump their trunks to frisky housewives read right before bed. I’ve put that idea on hold for now, perhaps an indefinite hold. Maybe one day I’ll venture into writing porn novels until then you'll have to settle for my blarg.

I here is another story concept that turned from alien to alien pornography. I made this one up a while ago here's a snippet:

There is a planet far, far away called Clapsville. It is a rather cheery place where people frolic in the meadows in their own warm, nude flesh. Their days pass by, one day no different from the last, and everyone seems to do nothing but smile, laugh, and clap. The only underlying feature that distinguishes them from humans is that they have a penis growing out of one palm, and a vagina growing out of the other. They constantly clap. By themselves, with each other… one swordfight here one lip kiss there – and everything else in between. All they do is clap. Clap. Clap.

I'm not sure which direction I'd take my alien story, but i'm thinking that it'd be a cute pixar cartoon. In 3D. Make that 4D. Next time you're in a crowd and clapping in unison, think about the aliens in Clapsville.

Hanky Panky

2011-02-15T13:03:00.003+09:00

When I first moved to Korea a few independent sources, consisting mainly of coworkers and relatives, informed me that farting out loud is acceptable because that is natural, but something like blowing your nose is considered gross because it is unnatural, and blowing your nose into a handkerchief was an absolute sin. This bit of information was like gold to me because 1. I love farting out loud and 2. I don’t normally blow my nose unless I’m sick and 3. I have never developed the habit of using a handkerchief. I assured those people that Americans don’t normally use handkerchiefs, and convinced them that that is just a thing of the past or for old farts.

This past week I’ve been training with one of our US representatives who is a total meat loving, vegetable hating, all-American guy – handkerchief and all. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy his company and when he’s not blowing in a hankie, all I want to do is wrap my arms around his big belly, maybe spank around it a few times and sit back and listen to him use old timer phrases that I don’t quite understand. But I absolutely don’t get the handkerchief phenomenon – why not just blow into a disposable tissue? And why is it that putting your elbows on the table is considered rude but blowing your nose into a hankie at the table is acceptable? Why blow into a piece of cloth and then stick it in your pocket?? Booger galore up in the pocket

Aw now I feel bad for basically dedicating a rant to a nice colleague of mine. But honestly, it’s gross whether or not I’m in Korea or the US. .

[Edit: sorry to disappoint! Next time i'll add in more STDs.]

Taylor Swift in Seoul

2011-02-14T06:09:00.002+09:00

I was in a crabby mood when I decided to post on Friday but to follow up on that, the Taylor Swift concert was AWESOME. Seoul was her second stop on her world tour and though her fanbase isn't as strong here in comparison to the states or even Japan, it was very cool of her to stop by. I've been waiting for her concert for months, and her albums were basically the only thing I listened to on my iPod for the past few weeks.

Whenever I'm in the vicinity of a famous person I tend to fantasize that we will somehow bump into each other and become best friends. Forever. Taylor Swift was no exception. I started thinking about the kinds of things we would talk about, where we would go on vacation and how long it would take me to French braid her long locks of hair. I'm pretty sure we could be best friends, she just doesn't know me YET.

Ed and I got there 15 minutes late and sat in our seats which were way in the back. Even though we had seats far away from the stage, the venue was actually pretty small so I could still see her dancing around. I instantly felt like we were already best friends - except there was just a huge crowd of people separating us.

As Ed and I were stumbling around and looking for our seats she began singing her current single "Back to December" and also my favorite song on her new album. The song is supposedly about Taylor Lautner, whom was her costar in the movie "Valentines Day" which just so happens to be TODAY!! ... uh oh... this poses a new problem. I shouldn't let her know that Taylor Lautner and I hooked up a few months ago.

Anyway, I'm going to tone down the creepiness and get back to the concert and reality,

Taylor, being the cool gal that she is walked off the stage and headed toward the back where she had a small stage setup, coincidentally AROUND WHERE I WAS SITTING. She played a few songs there and I was in love. That girl is a natural on stage.

The concert was only 1 hr and 40 minutes, which was too short for my liking. Ideally I would want her to perform for 6 hours straight, but that's not going to happen. It was a good concert. I left the arena floating on a cloud.

-----

Taylor,

I hope you have a wonderful Vday, you made my vday weekend! I totally understand that you were busy and we couldn't meet up and hang while you were in Seoul and I heard that you and Jake G are having some problems... Call me up whenever you get a chance.

Love your best friend,

Jihae.

Postsecret Valentines Day

2011-02-13T22:12:00.002+09:00

I mentioned this before but I've been saving postsecrets since 2005, so I have thousands of old postsecrets saved over the years. I always look forward to checking postsecret around holidays, esp during valentines day because theyre always so entertaining and usually over-the-top. Here are some love/valentines day postcards from the past.

More after the jump!

sofa king

2011-02-11T16:29:00.000+09:00

I'm sofaking tired, braindead and overworked. i want to punch you in the face. Even though i'm goign to the Taylor Swift concert tonight, which ive been looking forward to for months, im not feeling very excited because i know i'll be thinking about work, this, that and that that that. also, i have to be at work after the concert by 10 45 for a conference call. i'm crabby and a box of complaints. there is nothing more agitating than knowing that i'll have to work through the weekend.

The monster starts stirring the concoction and adds in the last key ingredients; unicorn legs, dragon tongue, a drop of the president's blood and a lock of taylor swift's golden hair. right before the mixture solidifies the monster jumps in. Darkness enthuses.

Cell Phone Chronicles: My Week In California

2011-02-09T10:46:00.002+09:00

Sometimes going on vacation is tougher than work itself. Maybe I tend to make overambitious plans for myself and end up with swollen and blistered paws. Besides a few meetings, the lunar new year holiday was spent unlike most vacations.

I’m sitting here on the plane on my way back to Korea. Back to the grind, back to life! And for some reason I’m much more pumped about life itself. Maybe because the past 9 days were spent so relaxed and unfamiliarly familiar. It was like I jumped back into the past to the days when I lived carelessly at home with the comfort of a refrigerator full of fresh, plump produce and a never-ending supply of anything, everything! Almost everyday was spent enjoying life by doing nothing new or necessarily productive. It was like I rewinded back into the past. This was exactly how I wanted to spend my vacation and it was the most relaxing vacation I’ve had in a while.

Thanks to my trusty iPhone, I documented most of my stay. So what did I do during my stay?

I took this picture of the frozen Han River as I was riding the airport bus to the airport. Goodbye frozen Seoul!

More after the jump!

Back

2011-02-08T10:30:00.002+09:00

Last night as I was on my flight back I wrote out a new blog entry on my personal computer - I'll post it up later tonight when I get home. Over the holiday week I tried to sit down and blarg but I literally do not have an ounce of inspiration when blogging on my own free time, the inspiration comes best when I'm using company time, haha.

I severely hurt my back due to wearing a tight skirt at the end of last week and the pain was so severe that I couldn't sleep at night and standing up felt better than anything else. It was the kind of pain that started out small but slowly clawed its way up my back and to the sides. The type of pain where after rubbing icy-hot on myself, the pain would burn to a thousand degrees within seconds and felt like hell had relocated to my back. After acupuncture and a deep massage, I started to feel better but the 12 hour flight back to Korea was a killer. My annoying seat mates who got up 4 times during the flight were also no help.

I ended up exchanging the skirt for a larger size but who knew that a skirt could cause such problems? Those things should come with a warning label. Be scared. Be very scared. Beware of nightmares about possessed skirts that plant hell on your back. Be scared.

More later.

Stressed

2011-01-28T06:00:00.000+09:00

Sadly, these white hairs came from my head. Fortunately I have enough hair for three people, so i can spare plucking out a few. Now I'm starting to worry about the day when i'll have to start dying my hair black on a regular basis! My golden years are slowly slipping out of my hands!

I'm off to the states today for work and a little bit of vacation to relieve myself of stress. Have a good weekend!

Black Hole Vagina

2011-01-27T14:30:00.005+09:00

"Vagina Dentana" by Miko. He's stuck in a vigina with a bite. Where are you?

Sometimes when I’m feeling extra lost in this world I get that spiraling feeling that the earth is caving and I’m being sucked into the black hole shaped like a vagina. At these specific times I seek advice from friends. But after a reflecting on the advice I’ve received, I realized that my friends sometimes are just as lost as me and even deeper into the vagina than I am. Then it gets me thinking. Most advice sucks.

Then you’ll always encounter people who think they have life all figured out. Be weary and don’t suck up every word they spit at you because who is to say that one person can prescribe the best solution? Even your therapist is on anti-depressants. Which brings me to my point (without much transition) - The game of Life. It’s a horrible, horrible game.

As a board game lover, I used to avidly play the game of Life on a regular basis with my sisters. As a kid I figured that the board game was kind of like a crystal ball that would foresee my own future. According to the game soon after you graduate/start a job you get married and magically gain children. You drive around in your little mini van and get “Life” chips and roll in your paychecks like it aint no thang. One insurance claim here, a job loss there and as soon as you know it, you’re at the end of your lifeline and you either retire a millionaire or live in the countryside. So basically no matter what you either end up rich, or okay. As a kid I always thought, "Of course I'll be a millionare when I grow up! EZ P-ZY"

But if life is easy, then you’re probably doing it wrong. Therefore, the board game is wrong.

Maybe I should make my own game of life. I’ll have realistic features like:

- Knock up your high school girlfriend. Drop out of school and start with the lowest salary. Pay child support before every move.

- Each turn represents two years of your life. Pay all of your bills and taxes before every game. Calculate this by hand.

- Get a divorce. Lose half of your money.

- Death

- Go to jail for a crime

- Get addicted to drugs/gambling/whatever and lose all of your money, then move in with your parents

- Marry rich and coast for the rest of your life

- Be a single parent

- Become a workaholic, lose trust with your children, children end up in rehab – pay $50,000.

Shall I go on? I think that board game should be revised or a recall should be posted. That game is hazardous to standards. Kind of like how girls get delusional with high standards from Korean mini-series.

So where is all of this stemming from? Oh you know, just another typical black hole vagina moment. But at least this roller coaster we call "life" is fun. Are you in a vagina? are we all? Does this make sense? I think it's time to get back to work now. Have a good day!

A Booger Story for the Day

2011-01-25T17:54:00.002+09:00

I was hesitant to post this at first but if I can share one of my deepest, darkest poo stories publicly on this blarg, then I can share this new story... So without further adieu, I bring forth my first booger story.

The other weekend I was out and about while shopping around with a friend and I had a bit of a stuffy nose. My nose has been particularly dry these past few months... I think it's time to buy a humidifier. Back to the story. In the midst of walking around I sneezed a forceful sneeze. I'm not a cute sneezer. I sound more like I'm a yelling hippo and I sometimes startle people. I inherited that trait from my mother, except when she sneezes she sounds like she's screaming and it gives me anxiety (my sisters know exactly what I'm talking about).

There is nothing more in the world that i love than sneezing. I love sneezing. It feels so good. It's almost orgasmic especially sneezing after minutes of battling that itching feeling that you're about to sneeze, but just can't quite let it out. Sometimes even picking my nose is just as fun especially when it's been a few days, digging around like it's 1850 in the midst of the gold rush . At the office sometimes I'll go to the bathroom purely to pick my nose. And on that note, I just remembered, I did post a booger story before, but I cant find the link...

10 minutes after I had sneezed I was walking around and stroking my long black locks as I was browsing a store. I glided my fingers through my hair channeling my inner Ariel brushing my hair with a fork and then my fingers encountered a big knot. At first I didn't think much of it and casually looked down. To my surprise I found the world's biggest booger nestled into my hair.

For your sake you can view the rest of the post and real pictues after the jump!

7 Things about FBF/Ed

2011-01-21T16:21:00.001+09:00

Today's entry is dedicated to FBF because of reason #2.

1. I'm going to stop calling FBF, FBF. From now on I'll refer to him by his English name, Ed. Yes, sometimes I call him Edward Cullen and no, I did not name him Edward, he chose that name before we met, I swear!

2. Yesterday a friend of mine asked me via gchat if Ed and I celebrate our 100versaries, and I responded by saying that we celebrated our 100th and our 200th... and then decided to calculate and see what day we were on and coincidentally we were at 299 days. Today is our 300th. Wow. it's already been 300 days... and our biggest fight yet was at the Coex food court after he wouldn't buy me a slice of pizza.

3. That brings me to #3. I'm convinced that dating someone who does not speak the same language as you saves you from having a lot of fights. The language barrier is thick enough for a fight to just be surface-level. Also, due to the language barrier you tend to be more thoughtful toward each other. It’s kind of like how people don't argue with their cats. The cat wouldn’t understand and be so confused. That would just be silly.

4. Ed bought me a necklace with 5 little rings on it. After a month I dropped my necklace in the bathroom sink and one of the little rings fell down the drain. Last week I dropped the necklace again and I could only recover 3 rings. I was nervous to tell Ed about it at first but he totally understands (he knows that I’m klutzy) and apologized. Yes. HE apologized for giving me a gift that was hard to maintain. Is this some sort of mind game? Told him it was okay. Haha.

5. One time my sister let me try on her ring and as she clearly said “DON’T BREAK IT!” (she knows all too well that I’m prone to breaking things) within seconds I broke the ring. Ed does the same thing to me too. Whenever I touch his stuff he’ll watch me like a hawk. One time I picked up his guitar and he said “BE CAREFUL! DON’T DROP IT!” I think everything around me needs to be bubble wrapped.

6. Today for our 300^th we won’t be seeing each other because I have other plans, and we won’t be doing anything special. I suppose the novelty of the 100versary quickly wears out after the first 200.

7. I always joke around and tell Ed that I am his stalker and he likes it. I really am his stalker. Now that we both have iPhones I hit him up on facetime when he’s at home and I insist on watching him study or read but he doesn’t like to do that because I tend to distract him. I guess this O_O is distracting for him. But foreals, sometimes I'll vchat with friends while at the office and they talk and I’ll type in response while holding a straight face and occasionally secretly giggling on the side. I guess I’m just used to staring at people and not talking.

How to Talk Like an Annoying Web 2.0 Person

2011-01-18T10:43:00.001+09:00

Maybe I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed or maybe I’m just pain grouchy. There is nothing more annoying than getting an inbox full of business 2.0 junkies trying to advertise something to me while using every classic piece of business jargon. The next time some oily “solution consultant” starts throwing around the word “synergy” I’m going to try my best to refrain from standing up, picking up the chair, breaking off its leg and staking him. The only reason why I would refrain is because… I have to use these words myself.

I would have ranked these… but it was more fun ranking them by length.

Words I hate…

Beta

Silos

Lexicon

Rollout

Ping me

Synergy

Leverage

Strategic

Monetize

Enterprise

Value-add

Implement

Touch Base

Sustainability

Convergence

Best of breed

Due diligence

Benchmarking

Industry leader

Core competency

Vertical industries

Business intelligence

Ok, I'm not grouchy anymore. Back to work.

Jeju Island Part 3: Things to Tour in Jeju & Creeptastic fun!

2011-01-14T10:54:00.001+09:00

This time around the company only spent roughly 23 hours in Jeju so with only 1.5 hrs of sleep for me, we made the most of our short time there. Here is a picture post of what I did for the duration of the trip.

A few quick notes:

We arrived at Jeju around 5:30 pm on Thrursady evening and departed Friday late afternoon.
I had visited Jeju in June 2009 and did similar tourist activities, so I've compiled some pictures from my previous trip to compare & contrast.
It was really windy and cold there. It even snowed for a bit during the morning. Despite the cold the company scheduled us to take lots of walks, I walked around with a blanket wrapped around me.

[Top] Winter &amp [bottom] Summer view from the plane.

More after the jump!

Jeju Island Part two - Things to eat

2011-01-11T06:00:00.001+09:00

Today's entry is dedicated to the things people should eat while on Jeju Island. I was raised in a household that mainly consumed cooked meat. My father is allergic to a certain type of raw fish which in turn, frightened me from eating raw fish until I was in college. Yes, so I've missed out on a ton, and as a grown adult I am a novice when it comes to eating slimy animals from the sea. Don't judge me!

Jeju is known for three things:

1. Wind

2. Women

3. Rocks

I'd say the fourth thing should be the variety of cheap seafood. There are essential things people must eat in Jeju Island and that includes the following:

Black Pig. One thing I always keep in mind is that there are usually several versions of old stories. One coworker told me that the pigs weren't really black, but because they lived in dirty pens and played in mud all day, they appear black. Another coworker told me that they are naturally black and a unique type of pig from Jeju. Another person told me that back in the day black pigs were given any scraps, trash and poop to eat for food. They trash-eating pigs would then eventually turn into food... meaning people ate trash and poop. Of course that was back in the day during harder times.

That kind of reminds me about that youtube i saw of a chicken eating a dead mouse. That forever turned me off to eating chicken... and most other meat in bulk. I digress... In the end I don't know what the real story is behind the black pig, but what I do know for certain is that it is delicious. It is served in the thickest slices you've ever seen with a side of pig skin, which is a delicacy and supposedly good for your skin. I don't know if that is proven or not though.

More after the jump:

Jeju Week - Part 1

2011-01-10T10:04:00.001+09:00

Last Tuesday, the first work day of the year, I was informed that 40 chosen ones were going on a company workshop to Jeju Island from Thursday to Friday – so we were given 2 days advance notice. I wasn’t too pumped up about it because I dread every workshop and company drinking party as much as I dread the dentist. But I could tell off the bat that this workshop was going to be different because:

1. It was going to be on an island

2. It was going to be from Thursday to Friday

3. We were going to stay in a nice hotel.

Unlike the usual Friday – Saturday or Saturday – Sunday workshop in a remote pension (hotel) in the middle of farmland and sleeping on the floor, we were in for a treat.

We had 23 hours to hangout in Jeju. We spent only 2 hours actually working which is nothing compared to other workshops and the rest of the time eating, touring, gambling and drinking.

The first day we wasted no time and got to work then started drinking. Each person had to stand up, give a toast and then down 1/2 a bottle of soju and after each person gave their toast, listeners had to take a shot/sip of soju. It took 2 hours to go through all 40 people and most of the time I was pretending to drink, so by the end of the night I was sober. After the toasts we played blackjack until nearly 5 am and then went to sleep, only to wake up again at 6 30 am.

Jeju was freezing balls but regardless we went hiking for an hour and then took a walk for 2 hours. It was cold… but I’ll get into the details later.

I’ve decided that this week would be Jeju week so check back tomorrow for new Jeju stuff.

First of all I’ll start out small with of course, bathroom posts...

This was one of the strangest bathrooms I've used yet. At first I thought that it was a semi good idea conserving space by placing the female restroom in the middle of a stairway... but after using it, it just seemed strange. What if someone walked by and heard me toot?

Seriously, do people still use the toilet like that? Do we really need these repeated signs??

Three stories from last night

2011-01-06T06:00:00.001+09:00

Setting: Korean seafood restaurant. We are in a private room sitting at our table, on the floor.

Intro:

When my company has 회식’s/company drinking parties, we usually act like it’s our last day on earth. The night starts off as normal and we down a few shots and exchange pleasantries. There is always that one person who is really in the mood to party and propels us to start to drinking a little faster. We start infusing drink concoctions of soju+beer+Japanese hard liquor+any other liquid that crosses us. Some people are forced to drink cups full of soju, even cups full of hard liquor while others are monitored as they swallow shot after shot. It’s only a matter of time before the night really veers a sloppy turn to the other side.

Story #1

I walk over to the other end of the table and sit next to a director. This director and I worked closely together in the past so we have shared a few funny memories together. I suppose you can say that he and I are comies (coworker homies).

He’s already drunk, I’m buzzin pretty hard. He tries to balance a shot glass on my shoulder and it falls. I pick it up and place the shot glass on the table, he picks it up again and tires to balance the shot glass on my shoulder. It falls again, but this time the shot glass shatters. I scold him. Somehow we start arm wrestling. I call him weak. With his free hand he lightly slaps my face. I reciprocate and slap him back on his face a little harder. This goes back and forth a few times and then I lightly punch his face. This goes on for five whole minutes where one hand is still tightly in arm-wrestling pose and the other hand is face-slapping. Finally someone finally comes around and askes, “what are you guys doing??” and then we stop.

More after the jump!

Groupware & Vacation days

2011-01-04T09:54:00.000+09:00

My company uses a groupware system where you can do everything from clock in/out, write emails, post internal bulletin messages, get your expenses/vacations/business trips approved… the functions are nearly limitless. The system is actually wonderful, unfortunately and naturally it is all in Korean. Thus making it the most complicated cyber-organism for me to navigate. Aside from everything being in Korean, there are rules to how things are posted so even though I’ve written down directions in my personal “company manual” I seem to find some new exception or I make a mistake or something just downright confuses me. As a result, I always need a second set of eyes to scan my work… or an extra pair of hands to help me completely.

Once a month I have to fill out forms on the system and every month I have a coworker help me use the awful groupware system and it makes me feel like a dependent baby. One month I had so many expenses I offered to pay my coworker 10,000 won ($10) to do it for me. Needless to say, I hate our groupware and dread that time of the month more than my period.

This isn’t even the point of this entry.

Onward…

I’m technically not allowed to go on vacation this year because today, on the first work day of 2011, I have been diagnosed with -12.5 vacation days. I honestly can’t comprehend how this even happened, what does that even mean?? Will I lose my hair? Am I not allowed to take a vacation for the next year to redeem my days? Or will the days be deducted from my salary? Is it fatal?

Basically it’s just the company rules and some bullshit dabbled in here and there. Out of the entire history of the entire company, nobody has ever suffered from this vacation disease. This obviously won’t stop me from taking vacation as normal, but it sure doesn’t feel fun knowing that my vacation days are adding up against me. Grumble, grumble, grunt, grunt.

Anyway, enough with the rhino noises, this isn’t going to bring me down I have much too much to look forward to this year.

Good day!

So long 2010!

2010-12-29T17:53:00.001+09:00

I feel like right now, as my last post of the year, it is appropriate to make a 2010 roundup or make some type of list, but quite frankly, I’m not going to do it!

I’m patiently waiting for the day to end so I can take my holiday vacay. Meanwhile I’m trying to sort through my piled up list of things to do. But honestly, I just spent the last 30 minutes surfing the web and got stuck on jumping around yahoo answers (the best thing yahoo has ever produced, in my opinion) check out these for a good time.

Here is my quick wrap-up and future predictions that will not really make sense. If life were based on the college quarter system then this is how the past/next few years appear:

2009 was like fall quarter. Everything is new and exciting. The year of landing in Korea, drinking booze too often and kind of hating my life all the time.

I remember this one time when I was a noob a coworker was typing away on a ppt and using all of these cool keyboard shortcuts and I said to myself "one day... just one day, I'm going to be really shortcut savvy too." It's interesting to look back and see what kind of frivolous goals you set for yourself. It makes you realize that you do actually learn and grow - yup I've mastered keyboard shortcuts.

2010 was like winter quarter. I got the hang of things and things were more tame. My major accomplishment was that I started to appreciate Korea for reasons other than partying.

After hearing that my CEO is a part of the 2million+ mile club, I decided that I wanted to be at least 100,000 miles at some point and Star Alliance gold/Asian Platinum Plus member... Another frivolous goal that I've set for myself. But it's still a nice thing I've achieved this year.

2011 will be the all-too exciting spring quarter full of changes, things start to move faster… and making a whole lot of plans for summer quarter. I predict that big changes will come my way. I sound like a fortune cookie. I have big expectations for you 2011, dammit.

2012 will be freaking awesome, and then the world will end as we know it. Aliens will land on earth and they will abduct everything and everyone. They will place every human in a huge big plastic bin and then pile on a glue-like substance over our heads. Then they will mold us together into a ball with their pinkies (theyre really giant) and sell it sell us it as a zoobloodooruu (alien basketball) for a small fortune. And that is the end of the world as we know it. Are there any details that I missed? I’m pretty sure that’s what I overheard at the Alien vs. Humans conference last week.

2013 Fall quarter again... to be honest, I haven’t thought this far ahead in the future. Either I’m pretty sure I’ll be on mars or we'll all be dead (glued in an alien basketball) Why do I talk about space so much?

So here I am bidding 2010 adieu. And looky here… I did end up making some sort of list… as list that doesn’t make sense because I’m loopy, anxious, tired, and a little burnt out. But regardless…

WOOHOO since i lagged on posting this, i'm now off work so toodle dee doozville.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Coupon Book Gift Idea

2010-12-28T06:08:00.003+09:00

In a previous post I mentioned that this would be FBF's first Christmas and I wanted it to be memorable. Early on I decided that I would wrap his gift in several layers to create the illusion of opening multiple gifts (It ended up being only 4 layers). I also decided that I would make him a coupon book because 1. Korean people love coupons and 2. it's like receiving multiple gifts at once.

So whenever you want to surprise someone with an inexpensive gift, you can make a coupon book. It's kind of like buying a gift on credit and you can slowly pay it off throughout the year - and in most cases people tend to forget about the coupons after a few months and end up not using most of them!

Anything homemade with a little bit of extra effort is usually well received and appreciated. I used to make a lot of cards... back in high school I used to make my friends x-rated cards, I really should revive those.

I made it small enough so that he could carry it in his wallet and it also came with a protective sleeve.

Inside of the coupon pack was a Christmas card, 10 coupons, and terms and agreements at the end.

1 Movie night + popcorn: This one is pretty basic coupon. I drew FBF sleeping... because he always manages to fall asleep while watching any a movie

More after the jump!

Christmas Weekend - Yuhki Kuramoto

2010-12-27T10:07:00.000+09:00

Why hello & Good Morning! I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas weekend :O) The last week was full of a lot of eating out, meeting with friends and horsey time. I always feel like the few days following Christmas are a bit sad. Even though NYE is just around the corner, most of the holiday cheer flies out the window after Christmas day. Maybe it feels less holiday-y because I'm back to sitting in the cube. The highlight of my Christmas was definitely the Christmas concert, “Yuhki Kuramoto & Friends”

It was very Christmasy, just what I needed. I didn’t know who Yuhki Kuramoto was (or any of the performers) before the show, but now I’m a fan. He’s so cute, I want to give him a hug and never let go. I developed a new crush on Kai (카이, a new age opera singer) despite his super tight jeans and very sparkly studded rings. The other female singer, sohyang (?/소향) was super awkward. Maybe it was because I was so close to the stage and could see every facial expression she made, but I could feel her awkwardness oozing off of her.

And thank you Cynthia for inviting FBF and I to the concert, I’m pretty sure we had the best seats!

FBF's First Christmas!

2010-12-23T10:43:00.002+09:00

FBF told me a sad childhood story about how one year on Christmas eve he put up a stocking next to his parents’ bedroom door hoping to get even a little note from his parents for Christmas. The next morning he excitedly checked the stocking only to find it empty. It was a sad Christmas, but just like the Christmases before and the Christmases following. The astonishing part is that to this day FBF has never received a Christmas present from anyone in his entire life. Not a single gift from his parents, siblings, friends or Santa and because Christmas is couple-oriented rather than family-centric in Korea, this isn’t too uncommon to find.

I don’t think FBF even knows how important Christmas is to me. When I was a child just thinking about Santa, holiday cheer and Christmas anything would power me through the months. So I find it my duty to give FBF an awesome gift for Christmas – a gift above all other gifts, a gift that will make up for all forgotten Christmases. What will I give him? I don’t know. I have no clue. I’m screwed.

One thing that FBF wants is to be in a facebook relationship with me, but since he and I both know that that will never happen (I'll explain that one next time), the next best thing is to publicly glorify him. But honestly, who am I kidding? He doesn’t read my blog. He’s probably going to see this post 3 months later, but regardless, Happy FIRST Christmas!

FBF is really kind and patient with me. There are simple things like how I can’t hold in my burps and farts. Though at first he thought it was cool of me to release my gases, it quickly turned old, and then it started to just get stinky. Even though he never does the same in front of me, he tolerates me with charm.

More after the jump!

Pretty Good

2010-12-21T10:34:00.000+09:00

I got an email on Friday afternoon from a nice, new partner. He wrote, “Your English is pretty good!"

PRETTY GOOD?? Come on now… give me some more credit. My Engrish hasn’t deteriorated THAT much. I’m pretty sure I still talk like a surfer dude.

If only I were a native Korean with a perfect Californian accent, or the other way around... an American that can speak perfect Korean... then I would be more impressive.

Funny bathroom stuff from the weekend

2010-12-21T10:29:00.000+09:00

One good weekend full of funny bathrooms, what more could I ask for?

A toilet for me, another toilet for mini-me.

LOL... Please no fishing, sex, ??, ????, blow jobs and old school squat-shitting in the toilet for your safety and comfort.

LOL

I'm Not Amused

2010-12-17T00:20:00.004+09:00

It's midnight and I'm in the office. This morning I got into work and around 9 I talked to my boss and found out that I won't be going home for the holidays. fml. I'm not even going to elaborate on that one.

then at 10 am I get this urgent call and am told to rush to the R&D center for a meeting. A meeting that didn't happen until 6 pm. I work on several time-sensitive things and then from 6 until 10 pm I sat in a meeting. From 10 to 11 I went out with a group of engineers for a few beers [fyi, I have a really low tolerance for beer] and then took a 30 minute cab ride up to the office. Then I called FBF to say whats up and sum up my day and then the alcohol started to really kick in and we started talking about what we'll do for the holidays and i started feeling a little depressed because i'd actually rather be home sipping on peppermint lattes and building a gingerbread house, sitting by a fire with the fresh scent of a christmas tree close by...

I told FBF that i was feeling sad, and FBF replied by saying that he was sad because I kept flushing the toilet mid-talk. Oh yeah, i was taking a dump while we were talking. YEAH I POO WHILE I TALK ON THE PHONE. Wow, sudden outburst, my bad.

So here I am. buzzed, slightly depressed and typing away by myself. Wa wa wambulance [haha jong] Now you may wonder... why the F are you at work? I have a conference call at 1 am until 2:30 am. YEP. THATS RIGHT. MY LIFE SOMETIMES SUCKS BIG FAT JUICY ROUND BALLZ. YEP. I SPELLED BALLZ WITH A "Z", AND WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?

I'm not even goning to apologize for my outbutsts anymore.

So just to top it off, I have to arrive to work early tomorrow for another presentation meeting.

Is it so bad that i want to punch a puppy in the face?

i suppose that would make me feel bad... like how i felt awful this morning when my tree hugging coworker saw my fox fur scarf and she said. "Wow... two foxes must have died for that scarf.... white ones too. those are rare." YEAH, I WEAR FUR. AND I WEAR UGGS. YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE IT'S COLD HERE. IT'S SNOWING RIGHT NOW. at least the cold weather make it feel a little more like Christmas.

im just a grinch-y grouchy drunk right now. Time to head to a meeting now. good thing the people on the other end of the line cant smell my beer breath. bitches.

----

Friday Morning: 11:30 am

So now that I am done with my major work for the day, I can breathe a little bit easier. Usually when I dont get very much sleep I end up feeing very energized [like how i feel now] and then crash around 3. Anyway, I'm in a better mood and I'm no longer depressed and buzzed. So worry not! And dont judge me!

It was beautifully snowing this morning but having a fear of slipping and falling [still traumatized from last year] my awe wore off pretty quickly. I officially feel bad for everyone who wears a suit to work because it literally feels like you're walking around in your underwear. suits are not warm... at all. Talk about vag freeze.

Signs that someone is a victim of DNST [Did Not Shower Today]

2010-12-15T10:26:00.000+09:00

The other night I was with a few folks and one guy asked one of the girls, “Did you get a perm?” because her bangs were a bit crimped and she cooly replied, “No, I didn’t shower today! And my hair was braided yesterday.” It then occurred to me that 1. guys cannot tell if a girl has not showered within the past day and 2. they find it shocking when they find out that girls don't shower daily.

As I have mentioned before, showering is a waste of time. I think girls are more apt to spotting DNST [Did Not Shower Today] over boys, but it is the dirty girls who are keen on their senses. I was never one that liked to shower. As a child I didn’t even know how to brush my own hair. When I was 8 years old, I had a tutor who would often remind me to brush my hair. I distinctly remember one day I ran up to my tutor and said, "I BRUSHED MY HAIR TODAY!" and then she praised me for it. She was a really nice lady.

Back to the point, as someone who has a lot of hair, it requires extra attention. I always envied those girls with thin, straight hair and could air-dry their hair to perfection. In today’s age, to be socially acceptable we must shower regularly. For a guy showering is no problem because a guy will just literally hop in and out of the shower, slip on a t-shirt and jeans and roll out of the house. However, for many women, showering is more of a time investment including applying lotion, blow dry/fix hair, and paint on make-up - and sometimes we simply do not have enough time to do all of that.

In the 1700’s people used to shower around once a month. In the 1800’s people would shower around once a week. In the 1900’s, as showers and baths became more common and readily available, people began to shower daily. Our showering habits are steadily evolving and now as we shower once, and often twice per day, at this rate, in 100 years we’ll be showering every hour.

There are a few surefire ways to spot whether or not a girl has showered within the past day.

After a girl has bathed, she will likely smell of roses, her skin freshly lathered in lotion and her hair flowingly voluminous. She walks around with an extra skip in her step and willingly offers big warm hugs all around. She is clean.

More after the jump

Pooping in Tokyo

2010-12-13T13:06:00.001+09:00

[NSFW warning]

FBF tended to business in Japan last week and invited me to spend the weekend with him. I landed in Haneda Airport around 6 pm and things were fine until I realized that 7 of his coworkers were standing behind him… staring at me. We shot around hello’s, hi’s and goodbyes and then 6 of his 7 coworkers departed for Seoul 30 minutes after I arrived.

FBF, his colleague and I checked into our hotel in Shinjuku and then roamed around. It is like a block party everyday in Shinjuku, it’s like Hongdae x10 on steroids. After circling around for a bit we stumbled into a restaurant and drank sake, watched people play arcade games, listened to people sing and then pranced into a DVD shop.

The shop was 4 stories tall and the first floor was all music CD’s and DVD’s. Initially we walked in because we saw a lot of kpop stuff [Girls Generation/SNSD and Kara] and thought it was cool to see some familiar faces. Next we went up to the second floor which was full of movies and DVDs and then we went up to the third floor which was all pornos of every color, size and nature. What made this experience extra awkward was the fact that FBF’s colleague was with us looking at porno covers of girls sticking vegetables in every orfice of their body and the most vulgar extreme close ups. The fourth floor was all toys and gadgets but after taking a look for a minute we decided that we saw enough cock and perversion for one night. FBF said that he wanted to throw up after he saw a silicone vagina.

So why am I rambling on about this? Well, when I saw this particular DVD cover, I appropriately thought my dear bloggie poo and just had to share.

Pictures after the jump

Buried Alive at the Theater

2010-12-10T10:27:00.000+09:00

[Ted the T-Rex didnt like the movie either]

Have you ever watched a horrible movie that sucked so hard that you wanted to scream “THIS IS THE WORST MOVIE I’VE EVER SEEN” in the middle of every intense scene? A movie so bad that you feel suffocated to a point of delusion and each passing minute intensifies your claustrophobia and overtakes your soul. Your thoughts become overly irrational and you have to fight the urge not to make dying dinosaur noises every 12 minutes on the dot. Instead of gluing your eyes to the movie screen your eyes wander around and examine the features of the theatre and you begin to wonder why the exits are not clearly labeled in the case of fire… You stop paying attention to the dialog and instead focus on which brand had manufactured the character’s flashlight. Then the movie finally ends with an anticlimactic ending and you gather your thoughts and belonging and start stomping out of the theatre. As you are walking out you are filled with boiling rage and you want to kick over trash cans and roll around on the floor feasting on leftover popcorn from the trash but you refrain for the sake of not embarrassing your friends.

Have you ever felt that way? Well, that’s how I felt last night during the process of watching the movie “Buried.” I gave the movie a fair chance as I sat through the first 10 minutes of Ryan Reynolds. screaming, grunting and groaning as he discovers that he is locked in a coffin. The entire movie is based on one character, one location [the coffin] and one basis [to get out alive] - the camera work was nice but everything else was shitty. As Ryan’s character was making a series of phone calls, I completely lost interest. I’d say, I went into the theatre unbiased. I didn’t know anything about the movie and I didn’t know what to expect. What I clearly didn’t expect was leaving the theatre feeling mad and in rage.

If it weren’t for Inception, 2010 would have been the worst movie year ever. I think even the movie critics are lowering their standards because Buried got a 7.6/10 rating on IMDB. Now I’m riled up and ready to throw shit around the office, seemingly for no apparent reason. Damn you Ryan Reynolds..

PS People magazine declared Ryan Reynolds the “sexiest man of the year” I beg to differ.

Words With Friends

2010-12-09T09:15:00.001+09:00

Whether or not my opponents know it, the player who puts down "penis" or "vagina" gets an automatic win. There is not bigger joy in life than winning after the first move.

Yes, I am very mature.

And you can never get enough of damn you auto correct

I LOVE SURPRISES!

2010-12-08T10:11:00.001+09:00

There is nothing more that I love than surprising people and being surprised. When my sisters and I were younger we used to hide under the dining room table and scare my mom as she entered the house after work. It took years of our scare antics to realized that our “surprises” were rather predictable and it was actually not very surprising at all. But the important part was that my mom played along, and acted surprised everyday for years. Surprising her was a highlight of our afterschool activities.

The first few times I visited home my parents couldn’t contain their excitement and the air was filled with love, happiness, warmth. It was like my dad had journeyed to unicorn planet and stolen their biggest and brightest rainbow and nailed it on top of our house. Pure joy. My parents would clear their weekend schedule and we’d eat at my favorite restaurants and have a jolly time. It would seriously feel like my birthday the first few times I visited home.

Now that I’ve frequented home these past few months, their excitement has began to wane. I’m not asking for my parents to move mountains and steal rainbows for me anymore, but I wanted to stir up the energy in our house, so in my logic, I decided that the only way to defibrillate their enthusiasm was to surprise them.

More after the jump!

Funny Video: Xtranormal

2010-12-02T13:47:00.004+09:00

xtranormal is a website where you can make text-to-movie animations. they're kind of addictive so make sure not do watch them at work... like me and Aaron.

This video is offensive, sarcastic, hilarious and true on several levels. Perhaps foreigners in Korea are becoming too typical or maybe it was just inevitable.

Just to clear things up, as much as I'd love to take credit for this, I did not make the video!

[Edit]
Here's another one about why you shouldn't teach in Korea.

Take these videos for what they are. If you find them offensive, then well, don't shoot the messenger!

김정욱 찾기! / Finding Kim JungWook Musical

2010-12-01T09:51:00.000+09:00

On Saturday FBF and I watched the long-running romantic Korean musical, 김정욱 찾기! / Finding Kim Jung Wook. This musical has been on an open run for about 5 years, and has been adapted into a movie which is out in theaters this month.

Beforehand FBF made me read and translate a synopsis of the storyline so I could have a general understanding of it and not ask him a dozen questions during the play. The play was pretty good, FBF thought Billy Elliot was better, but it's like comparing apples and oranges... how can a romantic comedy compare to dancing children? If you care to watch the play or the movie, I have broken down the general synopsis for you.. with some spoilers.

Synopsis:

The story is about a girl who is looking for her first love, Kim JungWook, a hunky and suave guy she met while living in India for a few months. They have a fling but go their separate ways. 7 years later she is still single and her father begins to pressure her to find a mate. She goes on some bad blind dates and then reveals to her father that she is hung up on her first love. Her father sends her to a “find your past lovers” business but they can’t track the guy down, because she didn’t know her lover’s name. Basically, the guy from the tracking company travels with her to India to find this guy and somewhere in between they fall in love.

Where: Samseong station in Gangnam @ the KT&G building & Daehanro [대학로 예술마당 1관]

Play Price: 45,000

Picture of the stage before the play began

How I Became THAT Weird Neighbor

2010-11-29T15:10:00.001+09:00

This weekend I didn't have access to free wifi connections at home and it drove me crazzzzy. Before I was always able to figure out passwords, but this time, everyone has their internet on lockdown. Last night at around 10 PM I was so desperate I went over to my neighbor to the right of me and knocked on the door. A mid-aged man opened the door and I tried to explain my situation…

I assumed that the conversation would go like this:

ME: Hi, I live one apartment over and I have recently disconnected my internet. I was thinking that maybe we could share your internet connection and I’d be willing to pay a lump sum of up to 50% of your internet bill. Since I am not home most of the time, and I do not even own my own personal computer! I would use the internet on days when I bring my work computer home, and want to just do some light browsing. I wouldn’t be a disturbance or clog up the internet speed. I think this could be beneficial for the both of us! What do you think?

HIM: Oh yeah? No problem at all! Actually, you don’t even have to pay a monthly fee, just go ahead and use our internet. The user is Unicorn [that really is the strongest network closest to me] and the password is rainbow. See ya around jolly neighbor!

In reality, it actually went like this:

Fyi this is all in Korean*

ME: Uhm, hi! I live right there *points to the next apartment over* I don’t have internet. Can I use yours? I can pay you… I’m usually not home…. I was thinking that one time per month I will give you money and we can share… internet. *Nervous laugh*

HIM: …What? Can you say that again?

ME: I’ll be back!

And by “I’ll be back” I meant "Be back never!" I think it'll be awkward for at least a month every time I pass by that guy in the hallway.

So the moral of the story is:

Sometimes being too desperate will get you nowhere.

Spend more time practicing and preparing.

Don't be a cheap bastard and buy your own damn internet!

The Holiday Season Has Begun: Holiday Shopping

2010-11-26T15:51:00.002+09:00

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving 2010 has come and gone. Here in Korea most Thanksgiving dinners are on either Saturday or Sunday but luckily I had mine last night with good company. Since it was a buffet and I was paying a pretty penny for the food, the only logical way to get my money's worth was by bringing tupperware with me! Despite the workers circling the tables like vultures picking up empty plates, I packed up my food into my tupperware in quick desperation as if it were life or death.

With one large sized and two medium sized tupperware, I filled them up to the rim with turkey, sausage, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, bread rolls and whatever else I could not-so-discretely pack in. Why did I steal food? So I could host another Thanksgiving party tonight! And I'm not kidding... However, this dinner is only for FBF and his younger brother, who just moved into their new apartment today. They don't have to know that I didn't actually cook the food myself.

Black Friday

The magical portal known to man as Black Friday has opened up and I've pretty much completed my Christmas shopping for my immediate family through the glory of internet shopping. We are very much into decorating a tree, decorating the entire house, eating Christmas eve dinner, listening to Christmas radio 24/7, spending Christmas day with family and exchanging gifts. It's awesome and even though i'm not exactly a kid anymore, Christmas still gets me excited like a kid who just discovered . As early as February I started buying and collecting Christmas gifts, for my immediate family. Fortunately, my family is relatively predictable so buying gifts isn't too hard.

My personal wishlist

As an avid blogger it's ironic for me to admit this but I do not have a personal computer or wifi at my apartment. This being the main reason why I bring my work computer home often and update from work. So I want an iPad and/or Macbook. Since these are unrealistic things to put on a wishlist, I'll probably end up showering myself with these things... in the future.

My Holiday Gift Ideas

You know what would be pooptastic? Gifts made out of poop! I was browsing through uncommongoods.com and found products made out of poop! I think my wedding invitations will be made out of a mix of panda and elephant poop to celebrate the union - the panda would represent me [my college nickname] and the elephant would represent my future monstrous mate. That's romantic. I should reconsider my career path and become a wedding planner instead.

PooPoo Paper made from horse dung!

Even more gift ideas after the jump!

Thanksgiving 2010 in Korea

2010-11-25T09:41:00.002+09:00

Things I’ve been pondering:

Why are there so many Canadians in Korea?

Why are Korean websites still dependent on Active-x/Internet Explorer?

After meeting someone for the first time, why do people feel compelled to ask me, “Are you North Korean or South Korean?” That’s just annoying.

Korea's reaction to our embarrassing druggie brother from the north:

Hi Gina? Don’t worry.N. korea, alway act like that. bye-bye. from dad.

The common reaction from Koreans. Hilarious and true. From Gina's tumblr

Just like last time, and the time before that, and the time before that… Koreans and Korea seems to be fine and moving along with life as usual. Koreans are just used to their druggie older brother pulling out old tricks. So don’t worry, everyone else is fine, it’s just another Thursday… THANKSGIVING THURSDAY!

Thanksgiving:

Last year I was so caught up with work that I completely forgot about Thanksgiving until around mid-afternoon I had received a care package from my sister filled with thanksgiving food. It was the biggest surprise of the year, I was caught completely off guard. That night I went home and ate my microwaveable Thanksgiving dinner by myself, which was delicious but depressing at the same time.

Though it would be nice to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family, we are taking the more alternative thanksgiving route this year. My oldest sister is staying in NYC, my parents are off on vacation in Turkey and my other sister is chillin at my cousin’s for Thanksgiving. So this means that my family will celebrate our second annual “Thanks Christmas” dinner on Christmas Eve and I cannot wait.

This year I’ll be chowing down on some Thanksgiving buffet at Gecko’s Garden with a group of friends. I should have brought tupperware with me... just kidding... kind of.

Happy Thanksgiving!

North Korea

2010-11-23T17:03:00.004+09:00

This afternoon North Korea attacked a small South Korean island off of Incheon. I heard that one soldier has been announced dead, 4 other soldiers have been wounded and 70 homes from the island have been damaged and 14 civilians have been injured. Read other articles here

This time, unlike the other times, I am actually worried.

Now here are some of my own opinions on North Korea:

North Korea is like South Korea's embarrassing older brother who is on drugs. He is irrational, an attention whore, and sick in the head. Despite North Korea's cry for attention and naughty behavior, South Korea provides aid to his older brother for over 10 years but North Korea still acts like a huge baby and continues to attention whore. South Korea helplessly can't do anything but be there for his stupid brother. North Korea just wants a hug, but at this point he's dug his hole too deep and nobody wants to give him that hug... kind of like Lindsay Lohan.

So do I think we'll go to war? Probably not. But its disturbing to think about what might happen in the future.

After the Korean war South Korea was in shambles. 60 years later it has risen and become one of the leading economies of the world. Right when things were headed on the right track, North Korea had to shit on South Korea's parade.

After the fall of the Berlin wall 20 years ago, Germany is still dealing with problems of reunification. Can you imagine how much South Korea will endure when the day comes that the North and South unite? When will the day come?... if ever...

Another Korean Company Workshop

2010-11-23T10:10:00.005+09:00

34 selected people from the company were invited to an overnight workshop last Friday to Saturday. I’ve been to several workshops and have written about workshops before, but this workshop was unlike any other workshop that I've attended.

As you can see in the workshop schedule below, the meetings began at 7PM, and lasted until 12:30AM. Thereafter, we started our 회식/drinking festivities. The next morning at 8 am, we met for breakfast and wrapped up the workshop by noon and then went out for lunch. This is a pretty standard schedule for my company.

More after the jump!

How to get the F-4 "gyopo" Visa

2010-11-22T16:49:00.005+09:00

The F-4 Visa

Based on the blogs and forums and government sites that I have read, they make the process of getting the F-4 visa sound as hard the SATs and as dreadful as a pap-smear. Since my former E-7 visa is due to expire in a matter of days, it was finally time for me to switchover to the F-4 visa to simplify my life.

The immigration office is located at Ohmokkyo (sp?) station on the purple line #5, next to mokdong. Go out of exit #7 and walk straight for like 10 minutes. You can't miss it.

Before I elaborate, make sure you qualify for the F-4 visa and this blog is geared toward those who already reside in Seoul.

What to bring:

1. Your passport. Now don't go around scanning your passport and posting it online like this guy. That won't be in any way beneficial to your life.

2. 6 passport sized pictures of yourself. Though I only used 2 of them for the application [you can get this done in the basement of the immigration office. Also, with the extra pictures of yourself you can stick them in really creepy places like in your coworker's coat pocket, or and tape it onto your roommate's phone, lip gloss and garage opener! I swear friends love this kind of creepy attention!]

3. A photocopy of your birth certificate. If you have a sibling that has easy access to this information, like me, then you are in luck... otherwise this may be a big headache for you - unless your parents are really tech savvy and know how to operate a scanner and email.

4. A photocopy of your parent's naturalization documents

5. A photocopy of your parent's F-4 identification cards [this wasn't exactly necessary, but she took it anyway]

6. Family tree - or whatever. So I read a lot about this family registry thing and got a little freaked out. I called the office and the lady said that I don't need to prepare it in advance. I was confused. I get to the office and the lady told me to go across the street to some office next to the police station to get my family registry or whatever. I gave the office lady a slip of paper and 2,000 won and within 20 seconds, she printed out the information that I needed and she sent be back on my way.

6. The Visa application form - but you can just pick this up and fill it out at the immigration office.

7. Make sure to bring something to entertain you. The line for the F-4 is actually pretty fast, but it's still nice to slip in some HIMYM.

So in total it took me 4 hours including travel time but it wasn't stressful at all. So three years of hassle free residence in Korea ftw.

Time to drink bitches!!

2010-11-18T12:04:00.002+09:00

After giving my presentation yesterday I decided to stick around and work out of the R&D center for the rest of the day. The R&D center and the HQ are completely different. The HQ is fancier and contains all of the high level directors, VP’s, and of course our CEO so inevitably the energy is noticeably low, people don’t laugh or talk very much and a high stress level looms in the air. In contrast, the R&D center is more relaxed, down to earth and you don’t feel like you’re committing a crime by having a casual, non-work related conversation.

Yesterday my company won a prestigious award and as usual, after any positive event, a dinner and a drink-fest follows.

Since I wasn’t present at the HQ office I thought I was off the hook until around 7 20 pm when I got a phone call from a colleague #1 coaxing me to join them for the festivities. I declined because I was tired from taking meds out of order, causing me to fall asleep off and on for the rest of the night. I felt a little bit guilty for not joining in on the festivities, but it was just not going to happen. After the call i started to drift into a deep slumber.

I got a second call from colleague #2 around one hour later asking me where I was. He told me that colleague #1 had to drink a cup of soju due to my absence, and that other coworkers had to drink because of me. Obviously, work was using my absence as an excuse to punish my coworkers with alcohol. I'm not doctor ordered not to drink for the next two months and my fun-self was just not present yesterday so again, I declined.

Twenty minutes later I got a call from colleague #3. This time he wasn’t coaxing me to come but he got a group of people to start singing/chanting to me and then said "OK SEE YOU TOMORROW!" and hung up the phone. To say the least, they were trashed.

Congratulations to my company, and semi-sorry that I wasn't there with you last night.

After a good nights sleep I feel refreshed, I can’t say the same for my coworkers.

Presentation Lecture

2010-11-17T14:29:00.003+09:00

This morning I gave a presentation about how to give a presentation in English, common idioms, proper ways to introduce yourself, business etiquette, how to cut a steak, how to use your utensils at a dinner table and how to eat soup. The last few topics were outside of the presentation description but since I’m bossy and because I had the stage I had decided that I would elaborate on basically whatever I wanted to.

Here's a sample slide from my deck - though a bit too wordy for my audience. I'll admit, it was fun presenting, teaching and demonstrating. However, it's never a good sign if your audience is yawning the whole time and does not ask a single question even after enthusiastically asking, "Does anyone have any questions or comments?? Please...??"

The Thanksgiving Obstacle

2010-11-16T11:30:00.001+09:00

The first time I visited FBF’s apartment I was walking around his place when something had caught my eye. It wasn’t just anything, it was that one elusive thing that foreigners tend to dream about – a full sized oven. I gasped in delight and began professing my love for ovens… His response to my enthusiasm? “I’ve never used the oven before… we store dishes in there…it's useless!"

He proceeded to ask me what I would use it for and I started making a list...

But in reality I suppose I would probably use the oven only once per quarter... considering that I use my stove once every two weeks on average...

I guess I can relate because growing up, my mom never used our dishwasher for the functional purpose of washing dishes, but instead used it as storage space for snacks. Whenever friends would come over to my house I’d bring them over to the dishwasher and offer them some Gushers, Fruit Roll-ups and Capri-suns. To me and my family, storing snacks in the dishwasher was completely normal – it was otherwise just a waste of space. But let's get back to the real point...

I finally encountered a REAL oven!... Too bad FBF lives over an hour away from me. Now that Thanksgiving is around the corner I suddenly feel the need to have an oven in my apartment. I have cake mix, frosting, and even a cupcake pan... I have the ambition to roast a turkey, make that perfect casserole... the only missing element is an oven. But the reality of it is, I've lived this long without an oven, I guess overns just aren't that practical for a kitchen in Korea. So how will I roast that perfect turkey for Thanksgiving? ...I wont. But Suji's will!

Morphed into Medusa

2010-11-15T06:00:00.003+09:00

A big shout-out to FBF for taking care of me all day Saturday. He waited an hour and a half for me during my procedure, basically carried me home and then very patiently sat around in my apartment – reading, quietly watching TV, cleaning – as I took a 6 hour nap. I finally woke up at 7:30 pm still feeling sick and although FBF was feeling major cabin fever, he still was very patient with me. So for that he deserves recognition.

Basically on Saturday I went in and had a colonoscopy. The strange thing was that although I was sedated, I have flashes of memories of moaning in pain while something was lodged down my throat. After the procedure I was confused about my flash backs… only later to find out that I had both a colonoscopy and endoscopy into my stomach. Thanks for the memo doc.

I was talking to Gina’s FBF who works in a hospital, and he said that watching an endoscopy procedure is comparable to watching a zoo animal in surgery because they pin your down and stuff something down your throat seemingly against your will. Luckily I don’t remember feeling any pain but the flashbacks are a teensy bit traumatizing.

So what was the result? I don’t know… because I was on meds when the doctor explained things. Even if I hadn’t been medicated I probably wouldn’t have understood him. Thankfully FBF was there to take notes and told me that I have two minor problems and two more serious problems but they are all curable by medicine and a change in my lifestyle. A change in lifestyle entails subtracting spicy foods and the following from my diet for at least two months: coffee, orange juice and CHOCOLATE. Take away anything else.. but not chocolate!! It’s especially painful with all of these pepero boxes chillin in my apartment. I found out that FBF ate a box by himself and he wouldn't let me eat even one pepero stick. Like an angry incredible hulk I morphed into a beastly and jealous animal. If you’ve ever had to deal with me begging for food… then you know how impossibly desperate I can become…

Even in Medusa form, FBF is unphased. He's a good man.

Maybe my health problems will be the start a new and improved me. Maybe this is just what I needed. These are the signs of aging. I'm no longer a supple young teenager anymore so I really need to enjoy whats left of my youth!

CNN coverage on the G20

2010-11-12T13:33:00.001+09:00

So I was looking at the little coverage other news agencies were doing on the G20 and came across this article on CNN.com stating that Korea has issued 50,000 police and soldiers and 6 goldfish to protect the representatives of the conference. Sounds kind of funny, and who knows, maybe those goldfish really will do some good. The goldfish have some big shoes to fill if they want to be anything like Paul the oracle octopus - rest in peace Paul. I'd say the funniest part of the article is the comment thread. CNN commenter are always so funny and catty.

As always, CNN did a great job on blowing things out of proportion. I highly doubt that these goldfish actually play a big role in their security.

G20 Seoul - Day 1

2010-11-11T09:00:00.006+09:00

[Check-in 9 AM]
I'm going to check in throughout the day and contribute any new observations. This post will either end up being really cool, or really boring haha.

This morning I was almost late to work because I decided to take this cute lime green electric bus to work. I had never seen it before, perhaps it will only be used for the next two days. I got on the bus and there were only three people in there, the driver, a man and myself. Usually my area is packed with people fast-walking to work but not today. I turn on my camera to start documenting and the screen flashes "No memory stick" and I got this sinking feeling - that feeling you get after you realize that you left your phone at home...

I get to Coex and it seems emptier than usual. The coffee house and convenient store on the first floor are closed. And the other offices on my floor are closed. Why can't my office be cool like theirs?

[Check-in 12:30 PM]
Since the basement of Coex is closed I had lunch across the street and then went to pick up my registered badge so I can show up to work tomorrow. However, they had complications with registration and most foreigners were denied badges. I would love to take the day off tomorrow, but that's not how my company works. Tomorrow I'll be logging in from our other office which is 45 minutes away from my home.

[Check-in 2:30 PM]
I just heard that Obama is speaking right now.

Turns out that my badge was made and registered. I flipped my card around because it contains my info and a horizontally stretched out picture.

I just had to take a picture of this massive tank like thing with a man on top. The guy inside of the tank was like a celbrity, so many people were taking pictures of him and the car. I'm sure he was eating it up. He's kind of smirking in the picture.

Around 200 police men walked past me, I had to wait until they all crossed so I could get to the bus stop on the other side of the sidewalk. Now my question is... do I feel safer even though there are hundreds of cops around me?

That is where the G20 is held. There is a fence lining around the entire Coex block. It must have been set up late last night because it wasn't there when I left work and was magically there this morning.

[Check-in 3 PM]

Coworker and I tried to go inside of Coex. Massive fail. So really, there is not much to see at Coex unless you are participating, working there or part of the press.

MBC News must have gotten early dibs because they have a prime spot next to the convention center. They will be filming the evening news here for the next two days. KBS has a spot across the street. Their newsroom is much larger and higher up.

[Check-in: 6 PM]

Around 15 police guys were patrolled on our floor and asked us to leave at 5pm. Our admin requested that we stay until 8pm. Most people are leaving by 6. I left at 5:15 :) Woohoo! Too bad it's windy and pouring rain.

11/11 Pepero Day - Day 1 of the G20

2010-11-11T08:50:00.001+09:00

Good morning & happy Pepero day! Why is it Pepero day? Because it's November 11 (11/11) the day of... pepero sticks. It's a pretty ridiculous holiday... if I can even call it a holiday. It's more of a marketing gimmick that worked. A marketing ploy that makes Valentines day seem subtle.

There are huge boxes of pepero, huge pepero sticks, every type of pepero you can think of sold at most stores. It's pretty crazy.

I told FBF that I wanted pretzel pepero covered in chocolate. His response? "What's a pretzel?" My response? "Don't come over on Thursday if you cant find them." We laughed. I was serious.

PS I already got him some jumbo-sized sticks. He and I both know that I'll prob end up eating it all. Mmmmm