Weddings Galore!

I just got into London this morning! I was jetted out to London on Prince William's private jet to attend his wedding. He is an absolute sweetheart for sending me a personal invitation despite the fact that we had a pretty rough breakup a few years back. His handwriting has improved, but his poetry has remained stagnant. In the early 2000s I practically had to get a restraining order against him because his weeping cries from outside of my bedroom window were starting to affect my beauty sleep. I'm happy for him though. Kate is a doll, even though she still sends me threatening letters urging me to stay away from Will. 

Will's other exes. Wow! They forgot to add me! I need to alert the press. 

And back in reality...

• This weekend will consist of 3 weddings, 1 concert and a 10k!
• Remember that the royal wedding will be at 5pm, Korea time and festivities will begin at 4pm! 
• I really do like Prince William if you scroll up to the image of my desk, you'll see that I have his picture posted up in my cube! 

On Saturday my Korean-American college friend will be marrying her native Korean sweetheart. Sometimes Ed and I go on double dates with them and we bond over the comfort in knowing that other couples have language and culture problems. Sunday, run the 10k in the morning and then attend my coworker's wedding -- even though he annoys the shit out of me, and always says "Good Morning!" regardless of what time of day it is because he claims that is the only English phrase he knows... I still want to be there and congratulate him. 

I really need to start planning my outfits... 

Wedding season really is here. Next week a childhood friend of mine is getting married in the states to her longtime boyfriend and I'm sad that I'll be missing it! Before the company change I was almost 100% sure that I could scheme my way into going to her wedding, but unfortunately I'm grounded here in Korea for a while.. When I think back to my childhood she is an influence and relic in my memory. We used to do really strange, perverted, creative things together. I'm sad to miss another wedding that I really want to attend. 

Le sigh. 

And on an unrelated note, 

The Wonderful World of Online Dating

Maybe I'm late to the party but it seems that okcupid has become quite popular with the generally bored or extremely lonely. To my knowledge I don't know of anyone who has successfully found a significant other through the website but I thought it'd be fun to make my own account. I actually got a sudden interest in the website from this hilarious blog whom my bff refereed me to. Unfortunately the blogger never followed through and stopped updating :( Nevertheless, it sparked my interest in OkCupid.

You can look me up on OkCupid my username is ilikefarting and my profile picture is of Hyori. Originally I uploaded a picture of a man but the image took forever to load so I just stole one off the web. I'm sure anyone who has a slight interest in Asian women will be able to recognize Hyori.  I answered the questions vaguely so I seem to match up with pretty much anyone. From the quick fleeting minutes I spent on the site I can conclude that it definitely has a creepy vibe.

I'm no stranger to online dating websites. There was a short period of time when I was unemployed, single and gorging on too many hotpockets... I was hooked on watching too much daytime TV which also translates to watching too many Zoloft and match.com/eharmony commercials. After some successful brainwashing I made a profile on both sites and within days I had several "winks" and messages. Some of the messages seemed very sincere and it make me feel a bit sad.

As I browsed through my matches I saw somebody I knew. I felt a pang of sadness because
1. match.com said that we were compatible and
2. we used to have a crush on each other (I think...) at some point but were equally too passive to do anything about it.
3. Now he's rich and I'm po!

His headline said something along the lines of "It will take a miracle to find a match." After that I shut down my account(s). It was just so sad. It was even more sad that I was unemployed, had 10 pounds of bagel bites, dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets and hotpockets slopping around my belly and hooked on Judge Judy.

But maybe one day I'll be open to the idea of online dating. And by one day I mean when I'm 52, still single and have saggy breasts that roll past my vagina. My old vagina, so old that my labias turned into saggy balls that roll down to my toes. My toes so old that I forgot how to tend to them and have curling toenails. Curled toenails so curled that I decided to attempt to grow them out to surpass the current guiness world record for longest toenails. Toenails so long that on a cold, hungry day I decide to cut them off and eat them for dinner. Dinner, another lonely meal spent alone that I tend to skip so that the pangs of loneliness don't stab me again. The stab that I puncture into my voodoo doll which I curse all my baby's daddy's.

Vortex. Ensues.

Not one of my finest drawings, but I don't know how to make this imagery pretty. 

-----

To be honest I know of people who have had successful courtships through the sexy world of the interwebs. Actually my sisters know of two fine ladies that had successful online flames. The best part, they are all normal folks AND they ended up MARRYING the people they met online. Can we all silently gasp in unison??

So I suppose it's all about which attitude-hat you put on when making an online dating account. Perhaps pretending to be Hyori from Beverly Hills, 90201 is not such great start. Then again, I don't need online dating because I have funny Ed. 

TOO MUCH TV! TOO MUCH SEX (and the city)

I need a weed whacker just to find his dick… Every time I blow you, I feel like I’m flossing.

SATC Samantha, Season 4 Ep. 7

I’ve been watching a lot of TV lately which has been great and entertaining but as a result I’ve turned into a slob. Tired of waiting around for HIMYM, Glee and Gossip Girl episodes to resume I have spent the past few weeks watching Californication, Shameless and now all 6 seasons of Sex and the City (for the second and possibly the third time…) I also have the first 3 seasons of the United States of Tara, but I’m too scared to begin watching it out of fear of obsession…  

By far I love seasons 4 and 6 of SATC. There are certain episodes of SATC that I love, and some that I hate and if I had to choose, I hated season 2 ep 3 (the episode with the annoying circus music) and loved season 4 Episode 6 (It’s the episode with the fake plastic nipples, where Carrie tries to get back up on Aiden and he yells (rightfully so) “YOU BROKE MY HEART!” which leads Carrie to run away. Who runs away? Only Carrie can pull that off because she’s light on her feet and prances like a squirrel… and that one scene where the runner guy trys to get Miranda to lick his ass was hilarious.)

Every time I rewatch the show I’m a little older and can connect to the show in different ways. I was always team Big but now he seems lame and 느끼해 …what is the right translation…? Oily? Creeptastic?

And what was the dealio with Big marrying Natasha? What about how he acted like a 16 year old heartbroken girl in s4e10 (when he calls Carrie for girl advice and then wrestles with Aiden in the mud at the cabin) Is Big…. Retarded? Retardely lame?

I’m not team Aidan either because he’s boring and a fool that is addicted to Carrie.  Be a fool once – okay. Twice – forgivable but three times (SATC 2)?? Aidan, you fool. 

Who would you choose? The retard or the fool?

So what does that make Carrie? 

Sidenotes:

In season 6 Aidan is magically married and has a baby. How could Carrie not know about this? Aiden and Steve own a bar together - Miranda/Carrie/Steve/Aiden are basically bound for life.

Before I watched SATC 2 (the movie) with Ed I verbally explained the TV show to him season-by-season and gave him multiple tests. After he successfully crammed all 6 seasons in his head, we watched the first movie together and he almost immediately fell asleep. But somehow he managed to regurgitate a few phrases from the movie like, "Have a fabulous day!" 

Anyway, after the current season wraps up, I’m going to take a break from TV for a few months because I’m sick of TV! 

SATC Trivia:

1. Where did Carrie first meet Big's mother?

2. Where did Samantha meet Smith Jerrod ?

3. What was Carrie and Miranda's first big fight about?

4. Which BBC TV show does Miranda always Tivo?

5. How many successful 3-somes are there on the show? Which ladies attempted a 3-some?

6. Why was Miranda drinking alone at the bar the night she met Steve?

7. Which character's sibling visits NYC (for one episode)? And who does the sibling sleep with?

8. What was Trey returning at the store right before he met Charlotte? And what was Charlotte running away from (which almost got her run over by the cab driving Trey)?

9.  What did Richard give Samantha on the airplane on their way to Atlantic City? And what kind of ring did he buy her?

10. How did Berger break up with Carrie?



These questions are pretty hard, but if you can get all 10 then I am impressed. 

Copy Machine Comic FAIL

Shoot. I did something embarrassing.

So I’ve been trying my best to limit my web browsing for the next week or two. Today Around 4 pm as I was sitting on the toilet taking my mid afternoon dump when I started to think of a series of bathroom comics that I could start, which is perfect because I hand draw my comics (TAKE THAT WEB BROWSING TRACKER!) and because I haven’t drawn a comic for a while.

I decided that in order to save the most time I would draw a template of the bathroom stalls and make photo copies of it. I quickly sketched out a drawing and went over to the copy room. As I made one copy a coworker came in for a drink and I acted as if everything was normal. Another coworker came in and we exchanged a few pleasant words and I left the copy room in a hurry out of paranoia.

A few moments after returning back to my desk a new coworker --- not just any coworker, but one of our chief officers ---  whom I have never had a decent conversation with, came over to my desk and handed me two pieces of paper. One, the original drawing that I left in the copy machine, and another, a copy of the picture that I left in the tray. Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Now not only does he think that I suck at making copies (and drawing), but he probably thinks that I goof off at work and do things like draw comics and blog… which I do. BUT NOT ALL THE TIME. You have to strike when inspiration hits.

Perhaps I’m overreacting because he probably didn’t think too much of it, and has much more important things to ponder in his head. 

Here's the darned picture. 

There's more in store for later...

Tracking Devices at Work

I'm going to let you in on a not-so-secret secret. I now work for a larger company. Working for a new company means working under new rules. The company is implementing a system that will track everything I do online which ruins the whole blog-during-work concept and any other fun browsing I do. For the first few weeks I'll lock down and limit my facebooking, personal browsing and blog hopping until I figure out the system. Be tee dubs, this does not mean that I'll stop updating. It just means that my updates will likely not happen during work hours WAH!

We are all minions of this technology world.

Minus the Bushmen. 

Seoul Motor Show 2011

The 10 day Seoul Motor Show (actually, it was in Ilsan, but close enough) just wrapped up and closed its doors on Sunday. 

My focus should have been on the cars but because I'm not much of a car buff and I'm more interested in booth designs (I'm currently putting together a booth for an exhibit) I was probably most impressed with the size of the budgets each booth invested into this show. Putting in the costs of renting a huge booth, renting dozens of girls per booth, design etc for 10 days is mind blowing... but that's not the point of this entry. 

I heard through a few sources that the show wasn't that great so I entered KINTEX with low expectations but I actually had a great time.

Perhaps I should issue a warning, I'm not a car buff so bare with me! 

I liked how the show had a ton of female models and a ton of male models! 

You fancy, huh?

Kia concept car. 

I actually had the most fun at the Kia exhibit. Their concept cars were so cute! I liked this car because i'm a fan of large windows I just want to roast it and eat it up like a marshmallow! 

Wood floors. It looked like a kitchen!

Look at the model girl posing. I started feeling bad for the models after realizing that a lot of weirdos and creepers like to get up on them and take millions of pictures of them and with them. I saw one guy posing with a guy and his hand was patting her but like a bouncy ball. But who knows, maybe these girls like the attention, or maybe it's good money. 

When I was standing in a crowd an incredibly dorky guy asked me for my number. I was shocked by his forwardness. So was Ed. 

The back view of the car. 

Huge Kia Morning.

Some BMW car. I stared at the model for a good 2 minutes. She looked so badass!

Pretty BMW. I'm sure it's fast. 

A flying car! It literally flew around on a small motor. 

I forget which brand this was, but I want this to be my future minivan!

Batmobile!

An original Mercedes Benz car. 

When I saw this I instantly thought about my dad because he loves toys and little models and my dad had an eye out for this particular car. I remember sitting in the Mercedes dealership as my dad was negotiating to buy a car. The sales guy had a miniature model of this car on his desk and my dad asked for it but the sales guy declined saying that the miniature model costs 300 dollars and that my dad could buy one online. My dad was not amused and right before signing the papers he asked for the model one more time but was denied again.

A few months later my dad's friend was going to purchase a Mercedes so my dad took his friend straight to the same sales guy. My dad told the sales guy that he could have the sale if in exchange he would give the model to my dad. 

The miniature model now sits in the living room and it's actually pretty cool. 

Thanks ladies! I had a good time!

(Seriously though, that's like 20 girls for one booth!)

There were several other car brands that I didn't take pictures of. Some of these cars were going to ship out right after the show for the Shanghai Motor Show. I heard that Porsche's main car shipped out after exhibiting just for one day. Overall I had a good time and really enjoyed getting a bunch of high budget free swag!

Oh snap, I didn't tell you that I was in paradise this week

Already Friday and I'm leaving work pretty much ON TIME! Although uneventful, the week seemed to go by fast. Maybe because I was vacationing in paradise...

Look at how ghetto my desk looks! At least I have a snazzy laptop. 

Femme Fatale: Long Live Britney Spears

Just a disclaimer, this is not an album review because I would give a totally biased opinion – and well, if I think Britney’s music is God’s gift to earth, I’m not sure if you should even trust my taste in music!

Since the release of Britney Spears’ new album titled Femme Fatale, I’ve been shamelessly listening to it day and night. If you’ve attempted to listen to her album or at least her latest singles, you have to admit that they’re catchy and pretty good for a mainstream popstar.

Ever since that sweet day in middle school when I discovered Britney spears I’ve been hooked. My math tutor at the time asked me if I were a lesbian because I was so into Bspears. What an asshole, I was at such a young and fragile age why would he ask such a question? “NO, IM NOT A LESBIAN BUT I LOVE TO WATCH THE ‘SOMETIMES’ VIDEO ON REPEAT, IS THAT A PROBLEM??” Is what I should have said to him at the time. 13 years later I’m still watching her videos on repeat. Some things never change AND IS THAT A PROBLEM? Yikes, where is all of this angsty energy coming from?

To start off, I have been an avid fan of hers since her debut. Unlike her bandwagon fans, I have stuck by her side through thick and thin and I will always be by her side. I can be her rock. I am her best friend. She just doesn't know me yet. 

When I received tickets to her Onyx tour I literally fell to my knees and cried out of pure joy. When her concert was canceled due to her knee injury I was devastated I didn't cry, but I should have. Later in college she had a secret tour under the group name "M&M's" and I ditched three days of school to take a 2 hour train ride to San Diego just so I could see her glory at the House of Blues for a glorious 11 minutes. The tickets were $50 and I heard that others who bought tickets from scalpers paid up to $500. I was so close to her I could see her make up on her face. It was definitely a highlight of my year. My college dorm and apartment was adorned with a life size poster of B and she was always close in my thoughts. If B ever comes to Korea I will buy front row tickets and scream for her attention. But enough about me. This is all about B.

Her first video for “Hold It Against Me” was satisfying enough but I saw a 30 second snippet for “Til the World Ends” and it looks HOT. Literally. There’s fire, buildings falling down and sweaty dancers shaking their goodies. But in all seriousness, she looked smokin.. and by smokin I mean gorgeous like the goddess that she is! The editors did a great job cutting up clips to make it look like B was actually dancing with attitude. WOW. Did I just say that? I didn’t mean to diss my girl B, but it aint no secret that girlfriend doesn’t feel comfortable dancing anymore. I’ve investigated into why Britney can’t seem to dance anymore and based on the several forums I went through it’s due to a lack of self confidence/esteem, and a bit of stage fright anxiety. Putting into consideration that her life has been on blast since 19 fucking 98 you gotta cut the girl a little bit of slack. She’ll be back as the dancing queen soon enough, you just have to wait for the wounds to heal instead of ripping off the scabs too early.  


[Edit - The full video] Also, I read that there will be TWO music videos for this song!

To illustrate how frustrating her life must be I’ve drawn the following diagram:

*Disclaimer: These diagrams are obviously not based on any scientific data. 

Much more after the jump!

When You've Been In Korea Too Long...

You know you've been in Korea too long when... 

Thanks Kyu for being a good sport and letting me repost this

PS Check out Kyu's new organization HERE