Harry Shum Jr. and I

On the top corner of the image you can see a faint outline of Harry and I making out, haha. 

This morning I had a vivid and wild dream. Now that a few hours have passed I can only remember a few bits and pieces of it but for certain I know that Harry Shum Jr (the Asian guy from Glee) took the leading role in my dream. The dream wasn’t sexy or particularly fantastic but it made me realize that shumthing has been on my mind.

The dream started off with one simple tweet. I wrote, “Don’t tell me anything” (why I would tweet that, I don’t know!) and out of all people HSJ replied by saying “And what if I did tell you something?”

Fast forward a little and he and I are hanging out in person.

I would imagine that in my dream I would somehow become his lover and we would start off slow by accidentally grazing each other’s hand which would obviously lead to a passionate make out sesh in the rain, in the middle of a busy street... but my dream was actually very platonic and PG. 

Let’s be honest, I have a crush on HSJ. Something about the way he dances and his cute face and that he seems like a polite and nice guy. When I watch Glee I’m usually mainly watching him #nocreepy.  Somebody needs to write a manual about how fans can meet (and mate) with their celebrity crushes but not come off as a fluffy fangirl or desperate dinosaur. Has my imagination gone too far?

My ode to Harry Shum Jr.

By Mentalpoo

It may come off strange that I think about you so

You may find it flattering or think of it like, “whoa”

I need to figure out a way so we can organically meet

I would be so happy that I’d most likely weep.

Stalking you would only lead to a restraining order

And maybe you’d get scared and flee to the border

If we ever get the chance to go on a blind date,

When you find out it’s me, please don’t yell out “Rape!”

We are actually best friends but you don’t know me yet

Maybe one day we’ll meet on the Glee set

I want to t-rex dance with you

and hold you in my arms until you coo

Harry oh Harry when will that day come?

The day when you will make me your jihae shum.

#nocreepy

3 Uneventful Parts

Part 1

Last night Ed and I went out for a course dinner at a delicious fusion restaurant and as usual, right after we finished eating I was hit by a diarrhea attack. Before we got into a cab Ed made me visit another bathroom in a café so that we wouldn’t have to go through another diarrhea fiasco like last time… and last last time.

Part 2

Still feeling uneasy in the stomach, I’m feeling uncomfortable today. Not because I’m wearing a suit with a butt-tight skirt, but because under my dress skirt I am wearing the world’s tightest stockings. I found a run in my fave pair of stockings this morning and resorted to another pair and rushed out of my apt at 7AM. As I was leaving my apt building I already began to regret wearing these tights.

Four hours later my organs are crushed and starting to shut down. I don’t understand how most people can comfortably wear tights. I’m cramping with a stomachache and the top half of my organs are bloating up with gas. If I wasn’t rocking bear-legs I would just throw these damn tights in the trash.

Part 3

Speaking of trash, because there aren’t many trashcans on the streets here in Korea I tend to accumulate a lot of trash in my pockets. Today I’m wearing a trench coat that has several pockets and haven’t emptied out for a few weeks. It’s like going through a mini time capsule...

A flier for a new sashimi place near by the office

A flattened cup I used a while ago to drink water

A fortune I saved from a fortune cookie. There was no fortune on it.

Directions to a office building I went to this morning

A stack of 11 of my own business cards

A few random receipts

Two rubber bands

200 won

And a ticket stub to the Jongmyo Royal Shrine

Gosh I need to fart.

Sleeping With Leprechauns

These past few weeks have been either extremely busy or extremely boring. The days seem to go by slower because I’m always tired. I’ve been experiencing problems falling asleep at night. Last night I got in bed at noon of the night but couldn’t actually fall asleep until 2 and I kept burping that fruity baijou taste and thinking about every insignificant aspect of life. 

Side note: I ate at this fancy multi-course Chinese restaurant but I didn’t think the food was great. Another side note: I was not in the best of moods and yelled at the taxi driver who drove me to work and I’ve been feeling bad about it all day. In my defense, he wasn’t very nice to me from the beginning.

I’m not a morning person but I tend to wake up really early and usually go back to sleep and then wake up later and hit snooze 10 times. My internal clock is very paranoid and I tend to wake up minutes before my alarm goes off or hours before my alarm and bolt out of bed in fear of being late. Even on the weekends I’ll wake up around 6am thinking that it’s a weekday. Why am I talking about this? This is not interesting… back to the point.

The other morning I had a really hard time getting out of bed because I was in the middle of a deep slumber and a really intense dream. I dreamt that I was in a magical land and I had just developed new magical powers. Unable to fully use my powers I was captured by someone… I forget who… and was locked up in a really cute hobbit-like house. Despite being locked in captivity the dream was very pleasant.

Then these red headed people came and saved me, I later found out that they were magical leprechauns. But they looked like regular humans, not short and lucky-charms’esque. They nonchalantly walked over to the living room where the capturers were watching TV and cast a quick spell on them and we walked out. It was pretty anticlimactic but perhaps my imagination’s creativity began to wane as I kept hitting the snooze button.

I got out of bed in a cheery mood, but I was still tired. 

Electric Flash Diarrhea

Last Saturday a few ladies, Ed and I ate at a Vietnamese restaurant. We chowed down on some delicious bahn mi sandwiches, which btw I have missed dearly and am so happy to have been introduced to a place that serves them. The sandwich was delicious and I piled each bite with a piece of jalapeno and chewed the sandwich slowly, savoring it as if it were my last meal.

After I finished the sandwich I had room in my stomach for one, maybe two... but suppressed my gluttony  and ended my love affair there.

Unfortunately, I can't help but constantly think about that sandwich... I must go back soon.

Very soon.

Thereafter we hopped on over to another restaurant and shared some blue cheese mussels with a side of french fries and topped it off with macaroons.... and I dare wonder why I've gained weight recently.. heh heh.

Feeling plump and full the four of us stumbled over to a local foreigner bookstore to seek textual entertainment. In the midst of discussing books I suddenly experienced a flash of diarrhea and calmly but quickly rushed over to the bathroom in a fast but quiet butt-clenching stride. I locked the door and let a fast one pile up.  Hell had relocated to my ass because my bung hole was ON  FIRE! FIYAH!!!! Stupid jalepenos, why did I have to so many?

My ass had third degree burns. Usually this sensation is refreshing but NOT TODAY!

At the time I didn't tell the group about my bowel movements - I save those details for the blog.

Much more after the jump!

Boji=vagina

One of my sisters or I need to marry a man with the last name "Bo" or "Bow." This way my name can be...

BoJihae... 보지혜

Heh...heh... I'm really mature. 

Chronicles of a Creepy Taxi Driver: Do you have a Bob in your life?

Most mornings I take a 5 minute cab ride to work and every so often I’ll hop into a cab where I'll recognize the driver or he will recognize me. Sometimes I'll remember the driver based on his funny seat covers or the plastic bottle he cut in half and uses as a pen holder, or the big mole he has on his right hand... Most of the time we won’t exchange words or the man will say something short and jolly like “I remember you!” and we'll exchange a nice hello and smile at each other through the rear view mirror.  

On occasion I’ll encounter him. Creepy taxi guy. Let’s call him Sideshow Bob. There is nothing memorable about his taxi, it blends in with others. The interior of his cab is generic and Bob's side profile looks like an average Korean guy without any distinctive features. Every time I hop into his taxi he will say in English, in his creepy taxi man tone, “It’s been a long time…” and instantly I’ll get that sagging feeling in my chest and internally I’ll scream obscenities, “FUUUUUCKKKK!!” Thereafter I mentally prepare myself for a creepy 5 minute conversation that will feel more like 5 hours and walk out of his cab with a dirty feeling like I'm doing the walk of shame after sleeping with a creepy 60 year old fat guy with two dicks and pubes that end at his knees. His creepiness will linger in my mind for a few minutes and then I'll carry on with my day. 

The first few times I met Bob, it was really great and we would have wonderful conversations about Korea, how much I pay for rent, what I do for fun, what I do for a living, when I will move back to the US, blah blah and blah. After the third or fourth time meeting Bob the conversations started leaning toward, “Why do you still live at your apartment, it’s so expensive, when are you moving out? What company do you work for? How do you say this in English? What do Americans do this? What time do you get off work? How do you do your laundry? What kind of food do you cook?” and other personal matters. One day he calculated my yearly rent and deposit money and asked me about my salary. Flustered and annoyed I told him it was a secret, however if our conversation were in English I would have told him to mind his own damn business. 

Around a month ago I unknowingly hopped into Bob’s car and he asked me what I did over the weekend, then told me that his younger relative lives near me and that he would like to introduce me to him, and then he asked if I had a boyfriend. I stopped responding, I was not having it and not interested in the conversation.

Yesterday I had to be at work by 7 and was running late so I hopped into a cab. “Long time no see” Bob said in his creeptastic tone. Why? WHY does he always have to make his rounds in my area during all hours of the morning?? 

He started talking about my rent (again) and how I should move out (again) and I gave minimal responses. He was driving slower than usual, probably because he was busy having a monologue that I wasn't listening to. Because I was already running late and feeling extra annoyed, I interrupted him mid conversation to instruct him to speed up to the corner. I hopped out half a block early and as he drove away I memorized his license plate so that I can avoid him. Forever. 

I remixed the walk of shame with a prance and galloped into the office.

So long Bob. 

Today's Jumble: Weight gain, Foreigner Supermarket, Controversial Youtube and the Japan Earthquake

I'm in trouble. Last night I tried on my suits and they all felt a bit snug. Actually, Very snug. Tomorrow I have to wear a suit for work and I haven't had to do so for about two months and now I'm feeling nervous. My high waisted work skirts, the ones that make me look like a naughty school teacher, are organ-crushingly tight so now I'm feeling screwed.

Even Ed has complained about how his jeans feel tighter. Sigh, have we reached that point of the "Too comfortable phase"? In order to save us from letting too loose we are going to run a 10k next month but just the thought of it makes me nervous because I haven't done a 10k in ages and I can't seem to run for more than 10 minutes on the treadmill without becoming either exhausted or bored. Because it's still cold, I can't seem to drag myself to the river often enough (people only run at the river or parks, running around on the streets is not a norm here.) I have 2.5 weeks left to train, hopefully I won't be lame and walk most of the 10k. I can do it!

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Last night I went to Haddon Supermarket over in Yaksu and bought some chickpeas so that I can make my own hummus and falafels. I was meeting my friend at the market but I got there 25 minutes before her so I slowly wandered around the store. There were literally 4 people in the store at the time and 3 of them were the store employees - apparently it's packed on weekends but eerily deserted on weekdays. As I was browsing I felt like I was being watched like a hawk, and I was right.

Whenever I would touch something the Korean owner was two steps behind me and would touch the exact same item. I gave him a stare and went on with my business. As I was eyeing the Cheetos the store owner came up to me and asked in Korean and in a not-so-friendly way if I were a spy doing price comparisons. Confused, I said no and he walked away. I suddenly didn't know how to naturally browse around in an unsuspecting manner. Later when I was over in the cake mix aisle the man asked me the exact same question and in response I told him that I was waiting for my friend which was why I seemed to be lurking.

My friend joined me in the store and we bought a few overpriced items, which by now is totally normal for imported goods,  and went over to Petra for dinner. My friend and I ended up striking up a conversation with the owner of the restaurant on how to make hummus and falafel and he gave me a lot of helpful tips. I showed him the 12,000 won bag of dried chickpeas I bought and he gasped and called me foolish because I could easily buy the same amount of chickpeas for 4,000 at another store. I think I'll just buy hummus from Petra from now on - making my own is just too much work.

So I'm not saying that Haddon Supermarket is completely overpriced, it's inevitable for foreigner markets, and there were items there that I thought were decently priced. However, the workers at the market sure are paranoid and suspicious, which in turn makes me feel the same way.

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By now millions of people already know about Alexandra Wallace, and you can keep up with new updates on www.asiansinthelibrary.com. It seems like her 3 minute video not only went viral in one day but made headlines in the LA Times, NY Times, China Post and CNN - That girl must be hating her life right now and I hope she doesn't do anything harmful to herself but instead takes this as a lesson on life and the internet.

In terms of her video,  I know what she's talking about in reference to studying at the Powell library at UCLA (where she was likely studying.) Yes it can be noisy in the main study area at times because it is the most popular library, but there are so many other libraries and other places to study. Despite UCLA being over 40% Asian, one could avoid these "hoards of noisy Asian people" by perhaps studying in the privacy of one's own room - esp during finals. If anything she learned a very valuable lesson. She should probably change her name and finish her college career elsewhere. That's my two cents.

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And last but not least, it's really upsetting when I read and hear about negative opinions on the Japanese earthquake, tsunami, volcano eruption and nuclear outbreak. People saying that Japan deserved it, or that it's related to religion should probably reevaluate their views and keep these thoughts to themselves and not turn into their own version of Alexandra Wallace. Japan is always in my thoughts and prayers and it's heartbreaking to read/watch the news covering the devastation.

Hrm, I think I've said enough for today. If you've read this far into the entry then I thank you! 

Why I Am Fixated On Poo - A Memoir

At times readers will ask me, "Why poo?" and I give them some floppy answer and try to brush it off. I mean, what else is there to blarg about?

Not too long ago my sister sent me a the following email: 

I'm going over Freud again in class... you were fixated on the Anal stages of life.  Because you had a hard time with potty training, that triggered something in your mind to LOOOVE poo stories.  

Freud and my sister may be on to something here. It is true, I did have a really hard time with potty training and I have clear memories of my mom changing my diapers. Normal people don’t remember getting their diapers changed because normal kids are potty trained between 12-24 months, with the average being 18 months or so and clear memories aren't usually formed until after the age of 2 or 3. 

But then again in my defense I have a good memory to a point where it’s put me in situations where I look like a big creep. --- Nevertheless, I clearly remember having a hard time with potty training. But this is diverging away from the point. I remember getting my diaper changed. I remember my mom trying to potty train me and I also remember my mom giving me a pocket calendar book as a gift for pooping on my own for the first time.

Thereafter I went through a series of phases that freaked me out:

1.      The Toilet Monster: I went through a phase where I was scared of “The Toilet Monster” which was something that I made up completely on my own. When on the toilet, you are in a very vulnerable situation and understandably it can be a scary place.... right? Just imagine your toilet with shark teeth, and holding weapons and suddenly it won't seem like such a safe place. 

Another version of the Toilet Monster. This will definitely give me nightmares!

 Glad to know that I wasn't the only one with this fear! Thanks to @Islaborg for the reference.  

More After the Jump!

How I Cured My Boredom

The Boredom Vortex

Dramatic

Boredom is a subtle disease that overtakes your mind and finds little nooks just big enough to creep its way to your soul. Every passing hour the brain is dipped in a bucket of melted candle wax and it only takes a minute for it to desiccate into another crusted layer.

Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, months turn into years and the layers only become thicker and thicker, so thick that reverberating the soul is sitting next to impossible. Somewhere deep inside, if you drill down deep enough you can find it. The suffocating soul. It never stopped trying to carve its way out but it needs some help bursting through the layers before it finally gives up.

Realistic

In between projects, and due to some immediate holds, I’ve had some free time at work. I’ve actually been instructed to not make any major decisions or changes, so I’ve been sitting pretty at the office doing my own thing. At first it was great because I would surf the web, catch up on TV shows and watch a bunch of KevJumba youtube videos.

Then all of the rainbows and glory began to diminish and suddenly things became desolate. The TV shows that I watch are on hiatus until April, I’ve watched the movies that interest me and I’ve surfed the web twice already. I’ve spent time studying at work, playing an immense amount of words with friends and tried several productive activities that are permissible at work, but nada. I think it comes down to feeling uninspired. Boredom has casted layers on me and I need to find my way out.

Inspiration

[Edit] I took this part out! I'll repost my inspiration later... maybe... one day!

inBetween Sandwich Bar - 인비트윈

I confess, I am making a plug for this sandwich place for the selfish reason that I do not want it to close down because I love eating here. Unfortuanately, InBetween is a small store that is often overlooked and almost always empty. It has been open for about 9 months and I fear that it may close down anytime soon. I roll through to this place when I'm looking for a snack or a light dinner and I'm never disappointed.

InBetween/인비트윈 sells:
Sandwiches (ham&cheese, sweet pumpkin&cheese, sesame teriyaki chicken, seafood cutlet and beef bulgogi)
Rice Sandwiches AKA "Bobsand" (bibimbap, spicy pork bulgogi, beef bulgogi),
Salad
Coffee&Juice

This is the Korean version of a Crunch Wrap Supreme. An all inclusive meal in the palm of your hand.

I personally recommend the bibimbap bobsand which comes with beef, some hot sauce, egg, lettuce and of course a rice patty wrapped in some seaweed. A picture of the bobsand glory a few bites in. For 3,500 won it comes with a cup of warm miso soup.

The spicy pork or beef bulgogi bobsand is pretty much the same deal, just with more meat and maybe spicier sauce sans egg.

I'll admit that after eating here several times I have never tried the actual sandwiches but i'm sure they're just as good. They also have happy hour deals or new sandwich deals as well. This place is well priced especially for the area that it's in.

On the inside of the store they have stool seating, free wifi and magazines for your pleasure. Outside they have two tables with chairs and blankets available for snuggling. 

As you can see inBetween features a rather simple menu and everything is priced resonably. Even the coffee is cheaper than the Dunkin Donuts around the block! 

So you can order a bobsand+expresso for 5,500 or order their sandwich + coffee special for 4,800 won. Sometimes I pay that price for a coffee alone. This place screams "EAT HERE!!" 

To show my dedication to this restaurant, I have hand-drawn a masterpiece of a map for you. It's super easy to access and if you're in the area anyway you might as well drop by.  

Last but not least, they give out FREE DESSERTS!!! Usually mini muffins. The other day when I was there they told me to eat the last 5 muffins for myself and I gobbled them up like a hungry donkey. I like to think that they offered them to me because they know that by now I'm a regular. 

Also on the map you may notice that right in front of the sandwich bar is a street food cart which I was recently told is famous for the SPICIEST dukbokki in Seoul. I believe it because I once unknowingly bought dukbokki from the cart and couldn't finish it because it was too spicy. The cart is always packed and is always around on weekdays during late afternoon until around 10/11 PM.  

InBetween is open from Monday through Friday from 8AM-8PM, and open until 5PM on Saturdays. You can thank me later. Did I just over-hype? NO.  

March 1st in Korea & Some History Lessons & the Gwangjang Market

Yesterday was a really wonderful day off of work thanks to the March 1st holiday, also known as 삼일/Sami-il (meaning "3-1") I didn't quite know what the significance of the day was until Ed schooled me on some Korean history. 

We decided to start our day with some friends at the Gwangjang Market which is a large indoor market that sells pretty much everything and also has some super delicious food. 

I got the idea from Hermit Hideaways and one day will hit up the other 4 famous food streets in Seoul. 

The market can be accessed through Jongno 5-ga station exit 7 or 8 (exit 8 is closer to the food) just walk straight out of the exit and it will be on your right side you cannot possibly miss it.

At first I was a bit overwhelmed and overjoyed upon entering the market and took a stroll around. They seemed to have three aisles stemming from the middle of the food area. 

1. seafood/and a do it yourself bimbap area

2. Huge sundae/jook/pork

3. bindaeduk, jun

And in the middle is the famous "Drug kimbap" 

More after the jump!