Stressed

Sadly, these white hairs came from my head. Fortunately I have enough hair for three people, so i can spare plucking out a few. Now I'm starting to worry about the day when i'll have to start dying my hair black on a regular basis! My golden years are slowly slipping out of my hands!

I'm off to the states today for work and a little bit of vacation to relieve myself of stress. Have a good weekend!  

Black Hole Vagina

"Vagina Dentana" by Miko. He's stuck in a vigina with a bite. Where are you? 

Sometimes when I’m feeling extra lost in this world I get that spiraling feeling that the earth is caving and I’m being sucked into the black hole shaped like a vagina. At these specific times I seek advice from friends. But after a reflecting on the advice I’ve received, I realized that my friends sometimes are just as lost as me and even deeper into the vagina than I am. Then it gets me thinking. Most advice sucks.

Then you’ll always encounter people who think they have life all figured out. Be weary and don’t suck up every word they spit at you because who is to say that one person can prescribe the best solution? Even your therapist is on anti-depressants. Which brings me to my point (without much transition) - The game of Life. It’s a horrible, horrible game.

As a board game lover, I used to avidly play the game of Life on a regular basis with my sisters. As a kid I figured that the board game was kind of like a crystal ball that would foresee my own future. According to the game soon after you graduate/start a job you get married and magically gain children. You drive around in your little mini van and get “Life” chips and roll in your paychecks like it aint no thang. One insurance claim here, a job loss there and as soon as you know it, you’re at the end of your lifeline and you either retire a millionaire or live in the countryside. So basically no matter what you either end up rich, or okay. As a kid I always thought, "Of course I'll be a millionare when I grow up! EZ P-ZY"

But if life is easy, then you’re probably doing it wrong. Therefore, the board game is wrong.

Maybe I should make my own game of life. I’ll have realistic features like:

-          Knock up your high school girlfriend. Drop out of school and start with the lowest salary. Pay child support before every move.

-          Each turn represents two years of your life. Pay all of your bills and taxes before every game. Calculate this by hand.

-          Get a divorce. Lose half of your money.

-          Death

-          Go to jail for a crime

-          Get addicted to drugs/gambling/whatever and lose all of your money, then move in with your parents

-          Marry rich and coast for the rest of your life

-          Be a single parent

-          Become a workaholic, lose trust with your children, children end up in rehab – pay $50,000.

Shall I go on? I think that board game should be revised or a recall should be posted. That game is hazardous to standards. Kind of like how girls get delusional with high standards from Korean mini-series.

So where is all of this stemming from? Oh you know, just another typical black hole vagina moment. But at least this roller coaster we call "life" is fun. Are you in a vagina? are we all? Does this make sense? I think it's time to get back to work now.  Have a good day! 

A Booger Story for the Day

I was hesitant to post this at first but if I can share one of my deepest, darkest poo stories publicly on this blarg, then I can share this new story... So without further adieu, I bring forth my first booger story.

The other weekend I was out and about while shopping around with a friend and I had a bit of a stuffy nose. My nose has been particularly dry these past few months... I think it's time to buy a humidifier. Back to the story. In the midst of walking around I sneezed a forceful sneeze. I'm not a cute sneezer. I sound more like I'm a yelling hippo and I sometimes startle people. I inherited that trait from my mother, except when she sneezes she sounds like she's screaming and it gives me anxiety (my sisters know exactly what I'm talking about). 

There is nothing more in the world that i love than sneezing. I love sneezing. It feels so good. It's almost orgasmic especially sneezing after minutes of battling that itching feeling that you're about to sneeze, but just can't quite let it out. Sometimes even picking my nose is just as fun especially when it's been a few days, digging around like it's 1850 in the midst of the gold rush . At the office sometimes I'll go to the bathroom purely to pick my nose. And on that note, I just remembered, I did post a booger story before, but I cant find the link...

10 minutes after I had sneezed I was walking around and stroking my long black locks as I was browsing a store. I glided my fingers through my hair  channeling my inner Ariel brushing my hair with a fork and then my fingers encountered a big knot. At first I didn't think much of it and casually looked down. To my surprise I found the world's biggest booger nestled into my hair. 

For your sake you can view the rest of the post and real pictues after the jump!

7 Things about FBF/Ed

Today's entry is dedicated to FBF because of reason #2. 

1.        I'm going to stop calling FBF, FBF. From now on I'll refer to him by his English name, Ed. Yes, sometimes I call him Edward Cullen and no, I did not name him Edward, he chose that name before we met, I swear!

2.        Yesterday a friend of mine asked me via gchat if Ed and I celebrate our 100versaries, and I responded by saying that we celebrated our 100th and our 200th... and then decided to calculate and see what day we were on and coincidentally we were at 299 days. Today is our 300th. Wow. it's already been 300 days... and our biggest fight yet was at the Coex food court after he wouldn't buy me a slice of pizza.

3.        That brings me to #3. I'm convinced that dating someone who does not speak the same language as you saves you from having a lot of fights. The language barrier is thick enough for a fight to just be surface-level. Also, due to the language barrier you tend to be more thoughtful toward each other. It’s kind of like how people don't argue with their cats. The cat wouldn’t understand and be so confused. That would just be silly.

4.        Ed bought me a necklace with 5 little rings on it. After a month I dropped my necklace in the bathroom sink and one of the little rings fell down the drain. Last week I dropped the necklace again and I could only recover 3 rings. I was nervous to tell Ed about it at first but he totally understands (he knows that I’m klutzy) and apologized. Yes. HE apologized for giving me a gift that was hard to maintain. Is this some sort of mind game? Told him  it was okay. Haha.

5.        One time my sister let me try on her ring and as she clearly said “DON’T BREAK IT!” (she knows all too well that I’m prone to breaking things) within seconds I broke the ring. Ed does the same thing to me too. Whenever I touch his stuff he’ll watch me like a hawk. One time I picked up his guitar and he said “BE CAREFUL! DON’T DROP IT!” I think everything around me needs to be bubble wrapped.

6.        Today for our 300^th we won’t be seeing each other because I have other plans, and we won’t be doing anything special. I suppose the novelty of the 100versary quickly wears out after the first 200.

7.        I always joke around and tell Ed that I am his stalker and he likes it. I really am his stalker. Now that we both have iPhones I hit him up on facetime when he’s at home and I insist on watching him study or read but he doesn’t like to do that because I tend to distract him. I guess this O_O is distracting for him. But foreals, sometimes I'll vchat with friends while at the office and they talk and I’ll type in response while holding a straight face and occasionally secretly giggling on the side. I guess I’m just used to staring at people and not talking.

How to Talk Like an Annoying Web 2.0 Person

Maybe I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed or maybe I’m just pain grouchy. There is nothing more annoying than getting an inbox full of business 2.0 junkies trying to advertise something to me while using every classic piece of business jargon. The next time some oily “solution consultant” starts throwing around the word “synergy” I’m going to try my best to refrain from standing up, picking up the chair, breaking off its leg and staking him. The only reason why I would refrain is because… I have to use these words myself.  

I would have ranked these… but it was more fun ranking them by length.

Words I hate…

Beta

Silos

Lexicon

Rollout

Ping me

Synergy

Leverage

Strategic

Monetize

Enterprise

Value-add

Implement

Touch Base

Sustainability

Convergence

Best of breed

Due diligence

Benchmarking

Industry leader

Core competency

Vertical industries

Business intelligence

Ok, I'm not grouchy anymore. Back to work. 

Jeju Island Part 3: Things to Tour in Jeju & Creeptastic fun!

This time around the company only spent roughly 23 hours in Jeju so with only 1.5 hrs of sleep for me, we made the most of our short time there. Here is a picture post of what I did for the duration of the trip.

A few quick notes:

1. We arrived at Jeju around 5:30 pm on Thrursady evening and departed Friday late afternoon. 
2. I had visited Jeju  in June 2009 and did similar tourist activities, so I've compiled some pictures from my previous trip to compare & contrast. 
3. It was really windy and cold there. It even snowed for a bit during the morning. Despite the cold the company scheduled us to take lots of walks, I walked around with a blanket wrapped around me. 

[Top] Winter &amp [bottom]  Summer view from the plane. 

More after the jump!

Jeju Island Part two - Things to eat

Today's entry is dedicated to the things people should eat while on Jeju Island. I was raised in a household that mainly consumed cooked meat. My father is allergic to a certain type of raw fish which in turn, frightened me from eating raw fish until I was in college. Yes, so I've missed out on a ton, and as a grown adult I am a novice when it comes to eating slimy animals from the sea. Don't judge me! 

Jeju is known for three things:

1. Wind

2. Women

3. Rocks

I'd say the fourth thing should be the variety of cheap seafood. There are essential things people must eat in Jeju Island and that includes the following: 

Black Pig. One thing I always keep in mind is that there are usually several versions of old stories. One coworker told me that the pigs weren't really black, but because they lived in dirty pens and played in mud all day, they appear black. Another coworker told me that they are naturally black and a unique type of pig from Jeju. Another person told me that back in the day black pigs were given any scraps, trash and poop to eat for food. They trash-eating pigs would then eventually turn into food... meaning people ate trash and poop. Of course that was back in the day during harder times. 

That kind of reminds me about that youtube i saw of a chicken eating a dead mouse. That forever turned me off to eating chicken... and most other meat in bulk. I digress... In the end I don't know what the real story is behind the black pig, but what I do know for certain is that it is delicious. It is served in the thickest slices you've ever seen with a side of pig skin, which is a delicacy and supposedly good for your skin. I don't know if that is proven or not though.

More after the jump:

Jeju Week - Part 1

Last Tuesday, the first work day of the year, I was informed that 40 chosen ones were going on a company workshop to Jeju Island from Thursday to Friday – so we were given 2 days advance notice. I wasn’t too pumped up about it because I dread every workshop and company drinking party as much as I dread the dentist. But I could tell off the bat that this workshop was going to be different because:

1.     It was going to be on an island

2.     It was going to be from Thursday to Friday

3.     We were going to stay in a nice hotel.

Unlike the usual Friday – Saturday or Saturday – Sunday workshop in a remote pension (hotel) in the middle of farmland and sleeping on the floor, we were in for a treat.

We had 23 hours to hangout in Jeju. We spent only 2 hours actually working which is nothing compared to other workshops and the rest of the time eating, touring, gambling and drinking.

The first day we wasted no time and got to work then started drinking. Each person had to stand up, give a toast and then down 1/2 a bottle of soju and after each person gave their toast, listeners had to take a shot/sip of soju. It took 2 hours to go through all 40 people and most of the time I was pretending to drink, so by the end of the night I was sober. After the toasts we played blackjack until nearly 5 am and then went to sleep, only to wake up again at 6 30 am.

Jeju was freezing balls but regardless we went hiking for an hour and then took a walk for 2 hours. It was cold… but I’ll get into the details later. 

I’ve decided that this week would be Jeju week so check back tomorrow for new Jeju stuff.

First of all I’ll start out small with of course, bathroom posts...

This was one of the strangest bathrooms I've used yet. At first I thought that it was a semi good idea conserving space by placing the female restroom in the middle of a stairway... but after using it, it just seemed strange. What if someone walked by and heard me toot?

Seriously, do people still use the toilet like that? Do we really need these repeated signs??

Three stories from last night

Setting: Korean seafood restaurant. We are in a private room sitting at our table, on the floor.

Intro:

When my company has 회식’s/company drinking parties, we usually act like it’s our last day on earth. The night starts off as normal and we down a few shots and exchange pleasantries. There is always that one person who is really in the mood to party and propels us to start to drinking a little faster. We start infusing drink concoctions of soju+beer+Japanese hard liquor+any other liquid that crosses us. Some people are forced to drink cups full of soju, even cups full of hard liquor while others are monitored as they swallow shot after shot. It’s only a matter of time before the night really veers a sloppy turn to the other side.

Story #1

I walk over to the other end of the table and sit next to a director. This director and I worked closely together in the past so we have shared a few funny memories together. I suppose you can say that he and I are comies (coworker homies).

He’s already drunk, I’m buzzin pretty hard. He tries to balance a shot glass on my shoulder and it falls. I pick it up and place the shot glass on the table, he picks it up again and tires to balance the shot glass on my shoulder. It falls again, but this time the shot glass shatters. I scold him. Somehow we start arm wrestling. I call him weak. With his free hand he lightly slaps my face. I reciprocate and slap him back on his face a little harder. This goes back and forth a few times and then I lightly punch his face. This goes on for five whole minutes where one hand is still tightly in arm-wrestling pose and the other hand is face-slapping. Finally someone finally comes around and askes, “what are you guys doing??” and then we stop.

More after the jump!

Groupware & Vacation days

My company uses a groupware system where you can do everything from clock in/out, write emails, post internal bulletin messages, get your expenses/vacations/business trips approved… the functions are nearly limitless. The system is actually wonderful, unfortunately and naturally it is all in Korean. Thus making it the most complicated cyber-organism for me to navigate. Aside from everything being in Korean, there are rules to how things are posted so even though I’ve written down directions in my personal “company manual” I seem to find some new exception or I make a mistake or something just downright confuses me. As a result, I always need a second set of eyes to scan my work… or an extra pair of hands to help me completely.

Once a month I have to fill out forms on the system and every month I have a coworker help me use the awful groupware system and it makes me feel like a dependent baby. One month I had so many expenses I offered to pay my coworker 10,000 won ($10) to do it for me. Needless to say, I hate our groupware and dread that time of the month more than my period. 

This isn’t even the point of this entry.

Onward…

I’m technically not allowed to go on vacation this year because today, on the first work day of 2011, I have been diagnosed with -12.5 vacation days. I honestly can’t comprehend how this even happened, what does that even mean?? Will I lose my hair? Am I not allowed to take a vacation for the next year to redeem my days? Or will the days be deducted from my salary? Is it fatal?  

Basically it’s just the company rules and some bullshit dabbled in here and there. Out of the entire history of the entire company, nobody has ever suffered from this vacation disease. This obviously won’t stop me from taking vacation as normal, but it sure doesn’t feel fun knowing that my vacation days are adding up against me. Grumble, grumble, grunt, grunt.

Anyway, enough with the rhino noises, this isn’t going to bring me down I have much too much to look forward to this year.

Good day!