So long 2010!

I feel like right now, as my last post of the year, it is appropriate to make a 2010 roundup or make some type of list, but quite frankly, I’m not going to do it!

I’m patiently waiting for the day to end so I can take my holiday vacay. Meanwhile I’m trying to sort through my piled up list of things to do. But honestly, I just spent the last 30 minutes surfing the web and got stuck on jumping around yahoo answers (the best thing yahoo has ever produced, in my opinion) check out these for a good time.

Here is my quick wrap-up and future predictions that will not really make sense. If life were based on the college quarter system then this is how the past/next few years appear:

2009 was like fall quarter. Everything is new and exciting. The year of landing in Korea, drinking booze too often and kind of hating my life all the time.  

I remember this one time when I was a noob a coworker was typing away on a ppt and using all of these cool keyboard shortcuts and I said to myself "one day... just one day, I'm going to be really shortcut savvy too." It's interesting to look back and see what kind of frivolous goals you set for yourself. It makes you realize that you do actually learn and grow - yup I've mastered keyboard shortcuts.

2010 was like winter quarter. I got the hang of things and things were more tame. My major accomplishment was that I started to appreciate Korea for reasons other than partying.

After hearing that my CEO is a part of the 2million+ mile club, I decided that I wanted to be at least 100,000 miles at some point and Star Alliance gold/Asian Platinum Plus member... Another frivolous goal that I've set for myself. But  it's still a nice thing I've achieved this year. 

2011 will be the all-too exciting spring quarter full of changes, things start to move faster… and making a whole lot of plans for summer quarter. I predict that big changes will come my way. I sound like a fortune cookie. I have big expectations for you 2011, dammit.

2012 will be freaking awesome, and then the world will end as we know it. Aliens will land on earth and they will abduct everything and everyone. They will place every human in a huge big plastic bin and then pile on a glue-like substance over our heads. Then they will mold us together into a ball with their pinkies (theyre really giant) and sell it sell us it as a zoobloodooruu (alien basketball) for a small fortune. And that is the end of the world as we know it. Are there any details that I missed? I’m pretty sure that’s what I overheard at the Alien vs. Humans conference last week. 

2013 Fall quarter again...  to be honest, I haven’t thought this far ahead in the future. Either I’m pretty sure I’ll be on mars or we'll all be dead (glued in an alien basketball) Why do I talk about space so much?

So here I am bidding 2010 adieu. And looky here… I did end up making some sort of list… as list that doesn’t make sense because I’m loopy, anxious, tired, and a little burnt out. But regardless…

WOOHOO since i lagged on posting this, i'm now off work so toodle dee doozville. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! 

Coupon Book Gift Idea

In a previous post I mentioned that this would be FBF's first Christmas and I wanted it to be memorable. Early on I decided that I would wrap his gift in several layers to create the illusion of opening multiple gifts (It ended up being only 4 layers). I also decided that I would make him a coupon book because 1. Korean people love coupons and 2. it's like receiving multiple gifts at once.

So whenever you want to surprise someone with an inexpensive gift, you can make a coupon book. It's kind of like buying a gift on credit and you can slowly pay it off throughout the year - and in most cases people tend to forget about the coupons after a few months and end up not using most of them! 

Anything homemade with a little bit of extra effort is usually well received and appreciated. I used to make a lot of cards... back in high school I used to make my friends x-rated cards, I really should revive those. 

I made it small enough so that he could carry it  in his wallet and it also came with a protective sleeve. 

Inside of the coupon pack was a Christmas card, 10 coupons, and terms and agreements at the end. 

1 Movie night + popcorn: This one is pretty basic coupon. I drew FBF sleeping... because he always manages to fall asleep while watching any a movie 

More after the jump!

Christmas Weekend - Yuhki Kuramoto

Why hello & Good Morning! I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas weekend :O) The last week was full of a lot of eating out, meeting with friends and horsey time. I always feel like the few days following Christmas are a bit sad. Even though NYE is just around the corner, most of the holiday cheer flies out the window after Christmas day. Maybe it feels less holiday-y because I'm back to sitting in the cube. The highlight of my Christmas was definitely the Christmas concert, “Yuhki Kuramoto & Friends”

It was very Christmasy, just what I needed. I didn’t know who Yuhki Kuramoto was (or any of the performers) before the show, but now I’m a fan. He’s so cute, I want to give him a hug and never let go. I developed a new crush on Kai (카이, a new age opera singer) despite his super tight jeans and very sparkly studded rings. The other female singer, sohyang (?/소향) was super awkward. Maybe it was because I was so close to the stage and could see every facial expression she made, but I could feel her awkwardness oozing off of her.

 And thank you Cynthia for inviting FBF and I to the concert, I’m pretty sure we had the best seats!

FBF's First Christmas!

FBF told me a sad childhood story about how one year on Christmas eve he put up a stocking next to his parents’ bedroom door hoping to get even a little note from his parents for Christmas. The next morning he excitedly checked the stocking only to find it empty. It was a sad Christmas, but just like the Christmases before and the Christmases following. The astonishing part is that to this day FBF has never received a Christmas present from anyone in his entire life. Not a single gift from his parents, siblings, friends or Santa and because Christmas is couple-oriented rather than family-centric in Korea, this isn’t too uncommon to find.

I don’t think FBF even knows how important Christmas is to me. When I was a child just thinking about Santa, holiday cheer and Christmas anything would power me through the months. So I find it my duty to give FBF an awesome gift for Christmas – a gift above all other gifts, a gift that will make up for all  forgotten Christmases. What will I give him? I don’t know. I have no clue. I’m screwed.

One thing that FBF wants is to be in a facebook relationship with me, but since he and I both know that that will never happen (I'll explain that one next time), the next best thing is to publicly glorify him.  But honestly, who am I kidding? He doesn’t read my blog. He’s probably going to see this post 3 months later, but regardless, Happy FIRST Christmas! 

FBF is really kind and patient with me. There are simple things like how I can’t hold in my burps and farts. Though at first he thought it was cool of me to release my gases, it quickly turned old, and then it started to just get stinky. Even though he never does the same in front of me, he tolerates me with charm.


More after the jump!

Pretty Good

I got an email on Friday afternoon from a nice, new partner. He wrote, “Your English is pretty good!"

PRETTY GOOD?? Come on now… give me some more credit. My Engrish hasn’t deteriorated THAT much. I’m pretty sure I still talk like a surfer dude. 

If only I were a native Korean with a perfect Californian accent, or the other way around... an American that can speak perfect Korean... then I would be more impressive. 

Funny bathroom stuff from the weekend

One good weekend full of funny bathrooms, what more could I ask for?  

A toilet for me, another toilet for mini-me.

 LOL... Please no fishing, sex, ??, ????, blow jobs and old school squat-shitting in the toilet for your safety and comfort. 

 LOL

I'm Not Amused

It's midnight and I'm in the office. This morning I got into work and around 9 I talked to my boss and found out that I won't be going home for the holidays. fml. I'm not even going to elaborate on that one.

then at 10 am I get this urgent call and am told to rush to the R&D center for a meeting. A meeting that didn't happen until 6 pm. I work on several time-sensitive things and then from 6 until 10 pm I sat in a meeting. From 10 to 11 I went out with a group of engineers for a few beers [fyi, I have a really low tolerance for beer] and then took a 30 minute cab ride up to the office. Then I called FBF to say whats up and sum up my day and then the alcohol started to really kick in and we started talking about what we'll do for the holidays and i started feeling a little depressed because i'd actually rather be home sipping on peppermint lattes and building a gingerbread house, sitting by a fire with the fresh scent of a christmas tree close by...

I told FBF that i was feeling sad, and FBF replied by saying that he was sad because I kept flushing the toilet mid-talk. Oh yeah, i was taking a dump while we were talking. YEAH I POO WHILE I TALK ON THE PHONE. Wow, sudden outburst, my bad.

So here I am. buzzed, slightly depressed and typing away by myself. Wa wa wambulance [haha jong] Now you may wonder... why the F are you at work? I have a conference call at 1 am until 2:30 am. YEP. THATS RIGHT. MY LIFE SOMETIMES SUCKS BIG FAT JUICY ROUND BALLZ. YEP. I SPELLED BALLZ WITH A "Z", AND WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?

I'm not even goning to apologize for my outbutsts anymore.

So just to top it off, I have to arrive to work early tomorrow for another presentation meeting.

Is it so bad that i want to punch a puppy in the face?

i suppose that would make me feel bad... like how i felt awful this morning when my tree hugging coworker saw my fox fur scarf and she said. "Wow... two foxes must have died for that scarf.... white ones too. those are rare." YEAH, I WEAR FUR. AND I WEAR UGGS. YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE IT'S COLD HERE. IT'S SNOWING RIGHT NOW. at least the cold weather make it feel a little more like Christmas.

im just a grinch-y grouchy drunk right now. Time to head to a meeting now. good thing the people on the other end of the line cant smell my beer breath. bitches.

----

Friday Morning: 11:30 am

So now that I am done with my major work for the day, I can breathe a little bit easier. Usually when I dont get very much sleep I end up feeing very energized [like how i feel now] and then crash around 3. Anyway, I'm in a better mood and I'm no longer depressed and buzzed. So worry not! And dont judge me!

It was beautifully snowing this morning but having a fear of slipping and falling [still traumatized from last year] my awe wore off pretty quickly. I officially feel bad for everyone who wears a suit to work because it literally feels like you're walking around in your underwear. suits are not warm... at all. Talk about vag freeze.

Signs that someone is a victim of DNST [Did Not Shower Today]

The other night I was with a few folks and one guy asked one of the girls, “Did you get a perm?” because her bangs were a bit crimped and she cooly replied, “No, I didn’t shower today! And my hair was braided yesterday.”  It then occurred to me that 1. guys cannot tell if a girl has not showered within the past day and 2. they find it shocking when they find out that girls don't shower daily. 

As I have mentioned before, showering is a waste of time. I think girls are more apt to spotting DNST [Did Not Shower Today]  over boys, but it is the dirty girls who are keen on their senses. I was never one that liked to shower. As a child I didn’t even know how to brush my own hair. When I was 8 years old, I had a tutor who would often remind me to brush my hair. I distinctly remember one day I ran up to my tutor and said, "I BRUSHED MY HAIR TODAY!"  and then she praised me for it. She was a really nice lady.

Back to the point, as someone who has a lot of hair, it requires extra attention. I always envied those girls with thin, straight hair and could air-dry their hair to perfection. In today’s age, to be socially acceptable we must shower regularly. For a guy showering is no problem because a guy will just literally hop in and out of the shower, slip on a t-shirt and jeans and roll out of the house. However, for many women, showering is more of a time investment including applying lotion, blow dry/fix hair, and paint on make-up - and sometimes we simply do not have enough time to do all of that. 

In the 1700’s people used to shower around once a month. In the 1800’s people would shower around once a week. In the 1900’s, as showers and baths became more common and readily available, people began to shower daily. Our showering habits are steadily evolving and now as we shower once, and often twice per day, at this rate, in 100 years we’ll be showering every hour.

There are a few surefire ways to spot whether or not a girl has showered within the past day.  

After a girl has bathed, she will likely smell of roses, her skin freshly lathered in lotion and her hair flowingly voluminous. She walks around with an extra skip in her step and willingly offers big warm hugs all around. She is clean. 


More after the jump

Pooping in Tokyo

[NSFW warning]


FBF tended to business in Japan last week and invited me to spend the weekend with him. I landed in Haneda Airport around 6 pm and things were fine until I realized that 7 of his coworkers were standing behind him… staring at me. We shot around hello’s, hi’s and goodbyes and then 6 of his 7 coworkers departed for Seoul 30 minutes after I arrived.

FBF, his colleague and I checked into our hotel in Shinjuku and then roamed around. It is like a block party everyday in Shinjuku, it’s like Hongdae x10 on steroids. After circling around for a bit we stumbled into a restaurant and drank sake, watched people play arcade games, listened to people sing and then pranced into a DVD shop.

The shop was 4 stories tall and the first floor was all music CD’s and DVD’s. Initially we walked in because we saw a lot of kpop stuff [Girls Generation/SNSD and Kara] and thought it was cool to see some familiar faces. Next we went up to the second floor which was full of movies and DVDs and then we went up to the third floor which was all pornos of every color, size and nature. What made this experience extra awkward was the fact that FBF’s colleague was with us looking at porno covers of girls sticking vegetables in every orfice of their body and the most vulgar extreme close ups. The fourth floor was all toys and gadgets but after taking a look for a minute we decided that we saw enough cock and perversion for one night. FBF said that he wanted to throw up after he saw a silicone vagina.

So why am I rambling on about this? Well, when I saw this particular DVD cover, I appropriately thought my dear bloggie poo and just had to share. 

Pictures after the jump

Buried Alive at the Theater

[Ted the T-Rex didnt like the movie either]

Have you ever watched a horrible movie that sucked so hard that you wanted to scream “THIS IS THE WORST MOVIE I’VE EVER SEEN” in the middle of every intense scene? A movie so bad that you feel suffocated to a point of delusion and each passing minute intensifies your claustrophobia and overtakes your soul. Your thoughts become overly irrational and you have to fight the urge not to make dying dinosaur noises every 12 minutes on the dot. Instead of gluing your eyes to the movie screen your eyes wander around and examine the features of the theatre and you begin to wonder why the exits are not clearly labeled in the case of fire… You stop paying attention to the dialog and instead focus on which brand had manufactured the character’s flashlight. Then the movie finally ends with an anticlimactic ending and you gather your thoughts and belonging and start stomping out of the theatre. As you are walking out you are filled with boiling rage and you want to kick over trash cans and roll around on the floor feasting on leftover popcorn from the trash but you refrain for the sake of not embarrassing your friends.

Have you ever felt that way? Well, that’s how I felt last night during the process of watching the movie “Buried.” I gave the movie a fair chance as I sat through the first 10 minutes of Ryan Reynolds. screaming, grunting and groaning as he discovers that he is locked in a coffin. The entire movie is based on one character, one location [the coffin] and one basis [to get out alive] - the camera work was nice but everything else was shitty. As Ryan’s character was making a series of phone calls, I completely lost interest. I’d say, I went into the theatre unbiased. I didn’t know anything about the movie and I didn’t know what to expect. What I clearly didn’t expect was leaving the theatre feeling mad and in rage.

If it weren’t for Inception, 2010 would have been the worst movie year ever. I think even the movie critics are lowering their standards because Buried got a 7.6/10 rating on IMDB. Now I’m riled up and ready to throw shit around the office, seemingly for no apparent reason. Damn you Ryan Reynolds..  

PS People magazine declared Ryan Reynolds the “sexiest man of the year” I beg to differ.  

Words With Friends

Whether or not my opponents know it, the player who puts down "penis" or "vagina" gets an automatic win. There is not bigger joy in life than winning after the first move.

Yes, I am very mature.


And you can never get enough of damn you auto correct 

I LOVE SURPRISES!

There is nothing more that I love than surprising people and being surprised. When my sisters and I were younger we used to hide under the dining room table and scare my mom as she entered the house after work. It took years of our scare antics to realized that our “surprises” were rather predictable and it was actually not very surprising at all. But the important part was that my mom played along, and acted surprised everyday for years. Surprising her was a highlight of our afterschool activities.

The first few times I visited home my parents couldn’t contain their excitement and the air was filled with love, happiness, warmth. It was like my dad had journeyed to unicorn planet and stolen their biggest and brightest rainbow and nailed it on top of our house. Pure joy. My parents would clear their weekend schedule and we’d eat at my favorite restaurants and have a jolly time. It would seriously feel like my birthday the first few times I visited home.

Now that I’ve frequented home these past few months, their excitement has began to wane. I’m not asking for my parents to move mountains and steal rainbows for me anymore, but I wanted to stir up the energy in our house, so in my logic, I decided that the only way to defibrillate their enthusiasm was to surprise them.  

More after the jump!

Funny Video: Xtranormal

xtranormal is a website where you can make text-to-movie animations. they're kind of addictive so make sure not do watch them at work... like me and Aaron.

This video is offensive, sarcastic, hilarious and true on several levels. Perhaps foreigners in Korea are becoming too typical or maybe it was just inevitable.



Just to clear things up, as much as I'd love to take credit for this, I did not make the video!

[Edit]
Here's another one about why you shouldn't teach in Korea.



Take these videos for what they are. If you find them offensive, then well, don't shoot the messenger!

김정욱 찾기! / Finding Kim JungWook Musical

On Saturday FBF and I watched the long-running romantic Korean musical, 김정욱 찾기! / Finding Kim Jung Wook. This musical has been on an open run for about 5 years, and has been adapted into a movie which is out in theaters this month. 

Beforehand FBF made me read and translate a synopsis of the storyline so I could have a general understanding of it and not ask him a dozen questions during the play. The play was pretty good, FBF thought Billy Elliot was better, but it's like comparing apples and oranges... how can a romantic comedy compare to dancing children? If you care to watch the play or the movie, I have broken down the general synopsis for you.. with some spoilers. 

Synopsis:

The story is about a girl who is looking for her first love, Kim JungWook, a hunky and suave guy she met while living in India for a few months. They have a fling but go their separate ways. 7 years later she is still single and her father begins to pressure her to find a mate. She goes on some bad blind dates and then reveals to her father that she is hung up on her first love. Her father sends her to a “find your past lovers” business but they can’t track the guy down, because she didn’t know her lover’s name. Basically, the guy from the tracking company travels with her to India to find this guy and somewhere in between they fall in love.

Where: Samseong station in Gangnam @ the KT&G building & Daehanro [대학로 예술마당 1관]

Play Price: 45,000

Picture of the stage before the play began